Some of my photography

I discovered Flickr recently. Convenient.
I put some of my pics up there.

Weekend with Bestest

It was last weekend, which just goes to show you how lazy I am.
It was the weekend I fell in love.
With a dog named Ceasar, who is a Boxer. By breed, not by profession of course, I'd never be foolish enough to fall in love with a boxing dog.

It wasnt love at first sight, Im afraid. Im not too fond of dogs jumping all over me, so I cowered for a while behind Bestest while she enjoyed feeling all powerful and in control.

After Ceazu quieted down a bit, I began to like him.
In a matter of hours, this like had blossomed into full blown love.

He followed me everywhere. Like Mary's Little Lamb (I was Mary)
Even if he was asleep and snoring, if I walked out the room, he bounded up and pattered along behind me. I was the object of his affections. He kept throwing me adoring looks. I felt so darn loved. Once in the morning he just came over to where I was sitting, placed his head on my knee, and fell asleep.
Which left me in a bit of a predicament actually, because I wanted to get up and go have breakfast, but how cute is that?
I realise he's not the handsomest of dogs, but what do looks matter in the end anyway? Really, Ceazu's like a human. Muah. Darling dog.

Me and Bestest had a top notch time.

Uncoordination.
Daft broom-unknowing supermarket dude.
Pringles: 69 bucks. Expression on Bestest's face as I stuffed my face with them: Priceless.
Melting Hershey's kisses in a saucepan.
Watching them burn.
Devising other methods. Success.
Cream and Fudge Factory Specials, which you get at the Factory for around 100 bucks, but that I can make for under ten. (Contact MM at 23456547)
Stuff off shoulders.
Reading stuff written long long ago :D
Laughing like the hysterical geese we used to be.
Talking about the kind of geese we've become.
Walking. Open field. Strange Christmas carol music.
Staying up till 5.30.

Brilliant way to end those blasted exams. :)

On a completely unrelated note, I called someone a blasted screwt today by mistake. My dad only looked quizzically at me for a minute before letting it go.

And What a Weekend it Was

Happy Birthday Osho our sweet munchy-kin! Yay! Its one memorable 20th.
A budget of 40 bucks!! Su1's amazing.
Snum, it would take forever for me to do what I so confidently earlier said I would.
How about keywords?

Huh? Whats that?
Yes, yes I am brilliant, thanks.

Keywords:
Bottle. Snake. Shudder.
Eardrums. Killed. Hoerrible Makeup. (I can see you laughing Snum, I can see you.)
"Now they know that we wear shoes too!"
Goa, Mangalore.
The garishly yellow godsend.
"Because its illegal"
Desmond Dilema.
Cheese toast. Talk. A small amount of sleep. Breakfast. More talk. A great deal of laughing.
The end.

There how was that?
Pathetic, pathetic, yes I know. Doesnt even remotely descibe it properly. But what can you do?

Oooo and then I had a lovely day spent with Springy stepped. :) Ah, that was fun and should be done more often. :)

Ron

Is it just me or did Ron look completely DEAD in the fifth movie?
I mean, did you watch carefully?
I did. *sheepish grin*
And that's what he was-
Dead.
Throughout.

I was carefully watching for a bit of expression or something, but no. Nothing.
It was like he was acting all cool dude. And he's not supposed to be. Not in the fifth book.

Remember that part in the book when they have that important match and Harry's trying to build up Ron's self esteem by recounting to him all the spectacular saves he's made?

And he's like No, Harry in a strangled voice,
That was all a mistake. I fell off my broom in mid air when no one was watching and accidently kicked the quaffle to the far end of the pitch while I was scrambling to get on...
...or something to that effect.
Man that part makes me laugh everytime I read it.

Yeah. Well, Ron-in-the-movie wasnt like that. All goofy.
This Ron had a sort of suppressed look about him. Like he was trying to keep his emotions in check.
Thats it. Right there in the picture.

Nah, well he looks sort of violated in the picture, I cant find one with the exact expression I want, but this one's close enough. Its somewhat similar to the frequent deadpan look he kept regaling us with.

So anyway, the Ron-in-the-movie just wasnt goofy enough.
This Ron was all about the expressionlessness.

"Snape's given us extra homework Ron!" deadpan look

"Your Dad's been attacked by a giant snake Ron!" deadpan look

"Grawp's about to rip my head off Ron!" deadpan look

"Look, we're in the ministry of magic, and there's all the deatheaters, and they're out to get us and, yowch, there's a tentacular brain thingy attached to your head Ron!" deadpan look


Cute, he was though. Im not complaining.

Actually, I dont really remember the movie perfectly. I watched it such a long time ago. But I do remember strongly wishing he'd moved his face about a bit more, and telling Osho and Zz the same. (Jay was just not interested.)
Meanwhile, the reason Im so bad tempered today, is because of these stupid exams which I havent studied for, which have, in addition to being boring, kept me cooped up at home, and which are getting over tomorrow (thank the lord), but which have generally made my life torturous these past couple of days.

One more exam.
And then joy oh joy, college again.

The Sheep

...is the new cow. They're funny. Funnier than cows OR chickens. (That is the plural isnt it? Having friends who eat poultry has shaken my vocabulary.)

"Baaaaaaaa!" Its hilarious I tell you.

Look at it, the daft little thing, staring. You'd expect it to blink dazedly at you any moment, and then look around at its surroundings confusedly. "What are all these words doing here?" it must be thinking.

Even Facebook has realised that throwing sheep appeals to the senses more than cows or donkeys do. (That flying sheep cartoon is so cute no?)

Reminds me, when I was in Year 1 (thats UKG here) I remember there was this one class where we were supposed to write what we wanted to become when we grew up, and draw a picture of it.

I had already decided what my future was to be. I liked drawing, and writing and history class. It would only be natural then, I thought to myself, for me to become a historian who wrote books, and illustrate them myself.
Ghastly idea, but it seemed logical at the time.
All set for the future then, I'd thought to myself. I'd drawn my boring little picture, coloured the book I had supposedly written a bright red for effect, and gone and stood in line to have my work corrected.

In front of me was Shehana, one of my closest friends, but a little younger than the rest of us. We compared pictures. She had drawn a picture not unlike the one of the daft staring sheep above.
"I want to be a lamb." she'd said.

Wow, I'd thought to myself. This kid sure has imagination. I wonder how Ms Cravitz will react to this. Thank God its not Ms Read today.

Shehana's turn came. She proudly handed in her book.
"Shehana, my dear" said Ms Cravitz. "This isnt what I'd asked you to do."

(Ms Read would have said rather harshly "You silly little girl. Go back and do it over again")

"I didnt ask you to draw what you'd like to be, I asked you to draw what you want to be when you grow up." Ms Cravitz explained.

"But I want to be a lamb!" she said.

"You cant be a lamb, my dear. Humans dont become animals, do they? Now tell me. What would you like to be when you're older?"

"Yeah!" I interjected. "What do you want to be when you grow up. When you're older."

Comprehension dawned on Shehana's face.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh." she said. "When Im older." With a triumphant grin, she said

"A Sheep."

Sheep, I tell you. Funny little creatures. Wish there was a cartoon strip about them.

They arent the best animals to count while trying to sleep though, as

Snum and Bestest

have said. Far too distracting. You'll probably end up laughing as the dippy things fall all over each other trying to get over the effing fence.

Shehana was later convinced to become a sweet shopkeeper, when told that she would get free candy on a daily basis.

Hitmen

These auto drivers are out to get me ya.
I was almost killed this morning. Very almost.
The bugger was applying the brakes HARD every 1/15 th of a second, each time just missing some humunganormous truck or bus that was moving towards us at breakneck speed.
It felt like he was trying to do away with me and make it look like an accident.
The only consolation was, it looked like he was out to kill other people too, not just me.

My constant tsk-ing didnt help.
Even when I said, after one particularly near miss, "NIDHANKKE HOGI DUDE, PARAVAGILLA!" nothing happened.
He just continued to plough through the streets like some reckless maniac charged with excess adrenalin.

I mean I totally dig Action-Thriller-Suspense movies and all that, but I do NOT need that kind of heavy emotion at eight o' clock in the morning, okay?
Especially because Im never completely awake until around ten... I need at least 3 hours after I get up to become Fully Functional And Alert MM.
If you're jerking me awake every 1/15th of a second and giving me small heart attacks every 7 minutes at 8am in the morning, I'm bound to get a little crabby.

And the offences kept piling up...
Yes yes, PUT on the radio why dont you with one hand while driving.
Does it MATTER that the switch is located under your own seat? NOooo, of COURSE not.
Does is MATTER that there's a Tata Sumo careening its way toward us dangerously? NOooo.
Does it MATTER that the volume is on highest and that the passenger (who is in the prime of her youth) is having her poor eardrums mutilated whilst you switch from station to station? NOooo, NOooo, not at all.
You just keep driving on like a blind man, and we'll just wait and see what happens, alright?

The other day on JC Road, this auto driver (particularly smart one I got this time) decides to pick up his phone. In the MIDDLE of that bleeding junction.
AND, seems to think that speaking on it is more important than weaving the auto in between all that HTV.
I mean, usually, auto drivers pay attention to the roads while talking on their phones.
This one totally FORGOT he was even driving.
I understand he might've been talking to his girlfriend or whatever, but dude, first priority should be Keep Self Alive for Her.
A Tarpaulin blue luxury bus the size of a wooly mammoth almost rammed into the left side of the auto, causing me to scream sense to him for the next 15 minutes, as he drove sheepishly on, phone in pocket.

Why do people drive so badly? Do they all want to die? All Im asking for is a little caution here.

The ride ended off with me almost killing the auto guy. Snapped his head off, I did. Who did he think he was, the git... no change he says mutter mutter... ALREADY late for class I am... making me lose attendance... grumble... forcing me to ask random people off the street for change, the lunatic...... almost KILLING me!

So nonchalant he was. How do they do it? Face death voluntarily so regularly? Why do they do it? Is it that difficult to drive responsibly? One of life's greatest mysteries.

10 minutes

Ten minutes is NEVER ten minutes. Ever.
It isnt.
No one actually means it when they say it.
What they actually mean is "In an hour, loser" or "In however long it takes me to get ready, git."
That's what 10 minutes is code for.

Now you know.

Dads and Shopping Dont Mix

Shopping is really a girl thing. It must have something to do with the whole chromosomal set up. Yes, thats what it is. The gene responsible for enjoying shopping is recessive and is located on the X chromosome. And the allele must be in homozygous condition for the character to manifest itself.

Really. Like, I didnt just make that up.
Its a fact of nature.

Okay, so maybe its not a fact, but for all we know, it could be true. I could win the Nobel prize for this.

The Nobel prize for Bulling. (Its a new category they've introduced, dont you read the papers?)

But that explanation would account for a lot of things. Including why dads shouldnt be taken along while shopping. (Their wallets, however, are welcome)

What the dears say:
1. Do you really need that?
2. Dont you have 15 pairs of the same thing lying on the floor back home?
3. Why do you want to go all the way to the other side of the world to buy something you can get ten minutes away from home?
4. How can you spend so much time looking, and then finally not want to buy anything?
5. Are you done yet? pause Done? pause Now?
6. In moments of inspiration:
No! Dont buy this one! Buy that! pointing to garishly orange coloured item

What they do:
1. Make wild excuses as to why we should be leaving right NOW!
2. Feign stomach-leg -head- back aches.
3. In the words of Snum: Become human clocks.
In robotic tones: "It has been fifteen minutes since we first set foot in this store."
.
.

"Twenty."
4. In the life of Brat: Stand as close to the door as possible in the hope that this will urge you to step out quicker and go to the next shop, thereby considerably shortening the process.
On entering the next store, stand as near to the door as possible, once again ensuring a quick exit.

If you don’t take them along, but excitedly show them your purchases after, they:
1. Gaze at the TV and pretend to listen
2. Yawn indifferently
3. Raise eyebrows high, sit forward and say, “How much now?”
4. Say: "You spent a whole day and this is all you have to show for it?"
5. Say: "Tchha. That? I could’ve gotten that for half the price."

See dads are just not too good at the whole shopping experience. And nobody’s blaming them. Its in their DNA. They should leave shopping to the mums and daughters. Hand them a couple of credit cards and send them off into the world.

Oh, the wonderful joys of small-dosage shopping. Sigh. :)

Hitch

I really liked the movie. Laughed so much. Albert Brennaman is the funniest thing. Especially when he dances. I totally enjoyed it. :D
The dialogue made absolutely no sense whatsoever in some places though.

In the last scene:
Hitch runs after car carrying Sara Melas and Other Guy in it and jumps a-top it.
Hitch (through sunroof): You’ll never be fine, and neither will I!
Sara stops car in shock, Hitch falls on road, Sara gasps.
Other guy: Maybe I should drive.
Sara to Hitch: Are you trying to get yourself killed?
Hitch: If that’s what it takes. (?)
Sara’s sister: Sara what happened?
Sara: He jumped on the car!
Sara’s sister: Why?

Hitch: Because that’s what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly. Because otherwise, we just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the hell did I jump. But here I am Sara, falling. And there’s only one person that makes me feel like I can fly. And that’s you.

(*Pauses to stare expectantly at you*
Seriously... what??
Did you understand that?
No, tell me. I'm dying to know what he meant.
This dialogue wasnt meant to be dumb.
There are some parts in the movie where the characters are supposed to sound like they have mashed peas for brains. This was not one of them. He hadn’t hit himself on the head or anything in the previous scene, I checked.
There was all this senty music was playing in the background. I watched and listened carefully.
And Sara was all like "Ooo he's saying something really deep and meaningful! I think I'm falling for him!" during the whole bit.)

Sara: So you kinda like me huh?
Hitch: Nah, I love you. I loved you since…
(Kiss)
Sara: If I say it back now it sounds so stupid.
(Sara, sweetie, nothing you could say would sound more stupid than what Hitch told you just now. Go on. Tell him that you love him. Aww.)

Oh well. Despite some of the dialogue-that-doesnt-make-sense, the movie is a complete laugh riot. And that Brennaman guy is absolutely brilliant.

Bums

Snum Zz Osh and Me. You couldnt find a lazier bunch of bums anywhere in the world, I'd be willing to bet my life on it. Each of us had set our mobile alarms, like the responsible undergrad students we are. Each of us, for 7 am.
Morning came. The air was peppered with the sounds of alarm clocks every five minutes.

Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Groan. Shift. Grunt. Grumble. Snooze.

And repeat.
They rang, we snoozed. They rang, we snoozed. They fell off the bed, we slept on. Nothing could come between us and our sleep. Nothing.

At 9 am I realised we simply HAD to get a move on if we wanted to make it in time for 10 o' clock class. If we could just make it there, like Osh said, we could succumb to the sleep again, in the soporific safety our classroom. We just had to drag ourselves there in time.

We did, by some miracle. Only, class had been cancelled.
:|

People and Pink

Have you noticed how many people dislike pink?
I'd go so far as to say that it has become cool to hate the poor colour.
And what did it ever do to anyone, might I ask?
To say you like pink, is blasphemy. You are automatically an airhead, are mocked at, ridiculed, laughed at, looked down upon.
Poor pink gets pulled up all the time.
No other colour is at the receiving end of such discriminatory behaviour.
Nobody has got beaten up for saying they liked blue, have they now?

What is it with people and pink? Its hilarious the amount of varied reactions you get if you mention that you like the colour.

"Pink???" accompanied by shocked expressions and wrinkled noses.
(The part I personally find most irritating. Makes me feel like giving them a good proper flick.)
Its as though even if you do like pink, you MUST, at all costs keep it a secret from the disapproving eyes of society.
Its as though liking pink is dangerous behaviour and must be stomped out immediately.

Another priceless one is:
“Oh.” PAUSE for 5 seconds. “Pink.” (disdainfully)
This usually comes from someone who looks you up and down uncertainly, thinking ‘This must be someone with some weird mental disorder. I had better walk away quickly, just in case it’s contagious.’

Another that is quite amusing to witness:
“P..pink?” (in disbelief)
The owner of the mouth that says it thinks you might perhaps be taking him for a ride.
'Its alright if you like pink, but to say you actually do?', he thinks, 'That just isnt done! Something isn't right'.
His eyes dart around while he is talking to you and he has the air of someone who expects at any second some tv crew with a host to jump out of a nearby tree, and ambush him screaming “You’ve been framed! Ha ha! We've tricked you properly!”

Well, I'm one to fight for the underdog.
Pink deserves a chance! Dont dismiss it off because of Legally Blonde and scary peers who will threaten to beat you up! Dont join in with the wrinkling noses just to be accepted by the majority! If you like it say you do!
And if you dont, refrain from being so judgemental! Dont expect everyone to like the same things you do! Dont make judgements based on silly things!

Let us be accepting of this poor ill-treated colour. Next time someone says they like pink (and they will, after reading this post, I'm sure), just grin and bear it. Accept. And we can make this world a better place to live in.

(wipes tear away silently from left eye)

Just read it

Thats Anne Hathaway on the right.

I saw her on TV recently, and I was rather shocked. It was only for a brief moment, she was saying something about how she loves Elton John, because it was his birthday, and "you feel only love, for anyone on their birthday", but the clip left me with a nagging feeling.

I get that feeling sometimes when Im trying to figure out what something reminds me of. Its a horrid feeling, just wont go away.
Her face... it resembled something so strongly, I just had to figure out what it was.
And then I realised.

It's startling how much like a mad squirrel she looks.

Really.

I mean, dont get me wrong, I like her pretty much. Princess Diaries, Devil Wears Prada, Other Weird Movie Where There's That Girl From Bend it Like Beckham in it Who's Plays Her Best Friend...
All great.

Its just, the resemblence she has to a tree-dwelling omnivorous manical rodent... its uncanny!

The Mad Squirrel

Did I ever mention the mad squirrel I once encountered?
Well, I was sprawled out on the sofa in the living room one particularly drowsy afternoon, and the curtains were drawn. No one was home and I was just about to fall into a nice little slumber,when I heard a rapping sound. I sat up. The noise would not stop and it was beginning to bother me.

It was a constant, unrelenting loud tapping noise. It seemed to come from somewhere behind the curtains.

Cautiously, I pull them back. And on the other side of the glass, I am faced with a squirrel, who is, staring back at me.

The staring doesnt seem to affect his paw movement though. He can stare and knock at the glass at the same time. A multi talented squirrel.

I know your reaction is "Awww! How cute! Did you take a picture? The darling little thing! How absolutely adorable!"
But no. No. Not this squirrel. Definitely not.

This squirrel had a mad glint in its eyes. That, accompanied by the unnerving staring and simultaneous tapping, totally freaked me out.

Any normal, sane squirrel would have fled at the first movement of the curtains. Not this squirrel. This squirrel wanted to get in.

What for? If it was raining, I'd've understood. I'd've gladly let it in and provided it refreshments and shelter until the rain subsided. But it was a perfectly sunny day. Who knows what ulterior motives this weird squirrel had. I wasnt going to let it in and steal all the electronic goods. Or allow it to murder me or something.
(Really. It looked vicious.)

Helpless and not knowing what to do, I phoned my mum to ask her advice. At least they'd have some idea what happened if they got home and found me gagged and unconscious on the sofa.

"Mum, there's this squirrel, and he's staring at me and I think he's mad!" I blurt out as soon as she picks up.
"What? What's that? A squirrel?" annoyed voice "I'm in a meeting, Madhu. Just scare it away. I'm sure you're capable of scaring a squirrel away."
"No!" I try to explain "But this one's a mad squi..."
Engaged tone

So much for that. Well they'd be sorry when they'd find later how the squirrel managed to bore through the glass with those razor like teeth of his and get at me.
Muttering a little, I pick up a newspaper and chuck it at the squirrel. A sane squirrel would've run for it. Blinked even. Not this one.
I try and scare it with sudden movements. The neighbours must have thought I was performing some kind of weird dance ritual.
I tap back at it through the window.
Believe me, any other squirrel'd have been dead with fright.
Not this one.
The newspaper and dancing only angered it further and it began squeaking.

I decided to ignore it. Switched the TV on, tried to find something on National Geographic about how squirrels are easy prey for owls or something. Thought I'd try and scare its wits out.

It left, finally. Got bored I think, since I was no longer acting hysterically.
Good riddance, the mad little thing.
Coming and frightening me out of my sleep. Who does it think it is?

Prehistoric

... was the attitude of the auto driver who took us to Malleshwaram yesterday. I mean come on.

The whole of last semester was about feminism. Psychology seminar, Psychology Fest, Psychotic people, all screaming their lungs out at how women are looked down upon by the entire world.

I'd had enough of it. I hadn't ever experienced any kind of difference in attitudes because I was a girl. These people must just have some kind of need for drama. Perhaps they just needed something to scream about, vent about. That seemed to be the only explanation.
And it kind of defeated the purpose, I thought. If they want equality for women they should stop screaming about the fact that they need special treatment.
They all seemed highly irrational to me.

Anyway all that changed on Thursday. Su2 and I were to go to Malleshwaram CET cell to "get some sensational sob stories ya, so we can write up an article on it."

So we took an auto. Mistake. The auto driver was, unfortunately, a madman.

He told us, "Girls should never wear jeans. Now I'm not saying you're bad girls, but what kind of impression are we supposed to get?"

We were wearing kurtas and jeans, let me just add.

"Now imagine," he says, "What am I to you? Your anna? Or your Chikappa, right?"

Alright, if you say so, although I'd rather not be related to a crackpot like you, increases the chances of passing on the insanity to the children.

"Now, will you sit in front of your anna or chikappa like that?"

Uh, yeah. Why the hell not? You git.

"Girls must only wear sarees. Makes them look decent. So that we men can feel respect for you."

I see. So we should dress with the sole purpose to gain the respect of morons like you. Yes, that is all that occupies our minds. What you think of us. We dont dress to make ourselves feel comfortable or feel good. No, no. We dress to please you, to suit your whims and fancies.

And just then, I caught him stare at a girl crossing the road who was wearing a saree.

Men will stare whatever you wear. We all have to learn to live with that.
Who the hell does he think he's kidding?

"Under the Kumaraswamy government, in 2015, a law will be passed making it compulsory for girls to wear only saree."

WHO does he think he is to decide what the entire population of women across the world should wear? WHO? Does he think he OWNS us?

What if we made it compulsory for men to wear dhothis at all times? Or suits at all times? Nothing but suits? What of it? Ass.

"Also, girls shouldnt wear all these pretty pretty chains."

Ok sir. Yes yes. I shall go home and throw away all my jewelery. Happy?

"I have two daughters"

My heart aches for them.

"My daughter asked for a chain. I said NOTHING DOING. See, women should not want to dress prettily."

Says the moron. URGH!!

I now understand a little bit why all those people were ranting and raving at the psych seminar. I feel the same sort of indignation at the frighteningly prehistoric attitudes some men have.

Recently there were articles in the paper about how they are planning to ban working at late nights for women. I think that is really ridiculous. Really. If your so concerned about safety for women, make the place safer! Don't decide to imprison women! Ha! Madness.
It should be the woman's choice! What if she wants to work late nights and you're not letting her? Last I heard, it was a free country.

I'm reminding myself of those ranting raving ladies. I now understand how its difficult to sound sensible when you're that angry.

What scared me was how rational the auto driver sounded. He didnt look like a person with a mental disorder. His eyes werent rolling and there was no uncontrollable salivation. He was a normal person, with this really abnormal idea.

Lots of people are like this, Su2 tells me.
But isnt it ridiculous?

FnA's Day

Last year we took photos.
This year we forgot.
Last year the Champ and I stayed over.
This year too, with others.
Last year Champ dropped me on her way back and took my jacket.
This year Champ dropped me on her way back and returned it. (nah, just kidding. She was late, but not that late.)
Last year there was pineapple cake.
This year too.
Last year it was eaten at 7.00 pm.
This year, at 2.30 am.
Last year we laughed at absolutely nothing.
This year too. Our sense of humour, I tell you. We arent getting any better with that.
Last year we were worried about exams.
This year too. ('Cept me, Hah! wildly ecstatic grin )
Last year we laughed at the King of Crap, the Cartoon Bear and That Letter of the Alphabet among others.
This year too. (Some things'll never change)
Last year I wore blue.
This year too.
Last year she cracked PJs.
This year too, too many.
Last year was fun.
This year was funner.

Heres to a gazillion more!

Cows, man! They're FUNNY!

Funnier than chickens even!
In fact, the cow is the new chicken.

Why did the cow cross the road?
(hahaha!)

I have been well aware of the cow-funnier-than-chicken phenomenon for quite a bit and now the world has caught on.

Seen the somewhat recent Orbit White ad? Excuse me while I roll about on the floor laughing.
Focus on: cow
"In the before due to yellow teeths our volunteer was too much unpopular."
Doctor gives cow Orbit White.
"Now due to white teeths she is getting too much marriage proposal"
Cow looks happy.
Doc shows viewers pictures of cow's new found prospects.
Focus on: Picture of bull with punk hair do.
"See the haaaaaandsome!"

Picks out picture of particular prospect.
Shows earnestly to cow.
"See Aufrican Black bull. Fully vaccinated."

Catchline:
Orbit White... It's VURKING!"

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! ha ha!
The doctor's english has worsened.
Its FUNNY! And its VURKING!
Watch it, watch it!



Check this out: A forward I got from GS (her rays reach everywhere, they do) that had me laughing. The Japanese one is the best.

*TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS*:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

*INDIAN ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You worship them.

* PAKISTAN ECONOMICS*
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid,
China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes,
Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and
Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by
the world.

*AMERICAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & say that naturally
that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

* FRENCH ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

*GERMAN ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat
once a month and milk themselves.

*BRITISH ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
They are both mad.

*ITALIAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

*SWISS ECONOMICS *
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

*JAPANESE ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You re-design them so that they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon
and market them worldwide.

*CHINESE ECONOMICS *
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and
arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

*RUSSIAN ECONOMICS*
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of Vodka

Hahahahaha!
Cows man, I'm telling you. They're in.

Bizarre- Tap Thieves

We got robbed. Yes.
Somebody stole a tap. From our terrace.
Its true. I'm not lying.
From our terrace, a tap.

So in the evening, my dad and I are sitting and watching TV when my mom hollers from upstairs "Is the pump on? I can hear water."
We check, and it isn't, so my dad and I decide to investigate.
We go up to the terrace and find that its flooded. Confused, we wade our way over to the tap... or where the tap used to be. Because now there isn't one. We stare for a couple of minutes wondering why the hell someone would steal a tap. We look incredulously at one another to see if the other has come up with any sort of plausible explanation. Neither of us have, so we look back at the tap.

My dad decides to deal first with the immediate problem. How to get the water to stop. Thats pretty easy for someone with some common sense, and my dad has a lot of it. So he goes over, locates the pipe from the sump which is providing water to the tapless outlet and turns the rusted main tap thingy off. "We'll have to get a plug for this." he says, straightening up.

Now onto to HOW the thief managed this feat. We find at the scene of the crime, a black tube like structure, about a metre long and slighty curvy. Could he have used this? Its quite possible, although we cannot, for the love of god, figure out how.

How had he gotten on to the terrace in the first place?
Had he shinnied up the coconut tree and somehow catapulted himself the 7 feet up to the terrace? Was he capable of climbing up sheer walls without any holds or supports? Perhaps he used a rope. Perhaps he could fly. We'll never know.

All we know is: its gotta be difficult. Its gotta take a lot of time, energy, effort and creativitiy to get on to our terrace other than through the door that leads there.

And all this, for a tap.

He must be desperate, poor chap.
Or a raving lunatic.
Why didn't he switch the water off at least?
Probably a vindictive, malicious guy with no respect for the environment.
Perhaps he's a klepto.
Or just unhinged (God, insanity scares you more than anything else doesnt it? Its the absence of logic and rationality, I suppose thats scary.)

Bottom line, we must be wary. (Mommy, I'm scared!)

Tap thieves could be all around us.
Be careful. Be very very careful.

For the Want of Some Cotton Wool

Some airline services are just no good.
Such as the one we used to travel to Mumbai a week ago.
The planes are tiny and they dont give you anything to eat! (loud annoying whiny tone)

The thing with me is, whenever I travel to Mumbai (there and nowhere else) my ears pop, leaving me unable to hear anything above the range of 5 dB for at least 2 days. This time, since I would be staying there only 4, and I didnt want to appear to seem to be a retard for half my trip, I decided I'd ask one of the competant stewardesses they keep talking about, for some cotton wool.

Sadly, all I got was a rather daft looking steward.
I noticed that he looked rather lost and anxious. Perhaps this is his first flight, I think. Let me be extra nice to him, so that he is uplifted and encouraged to do better in his career.

"Hello" I say, giving him my warmest smile, and pausing to receive the grateful and relieved smile I was sure he'd give back.
No smile.
Mine slowly melts, and drips off my face.

"What can I get for you madam?" he says in robotic tones.

By then I'm already muttering rude curses under my breath at the waste of that smile, but I control myself and say. "Some cotton wool please."

He stares blankly. Thinking he mustnt have heard, I repeat myself.

"Can I have some cotton wool please?"

This time the answer comes out pat:
"No."

I stare at him in the face. This is not proper stewardly behaviour.
He looks back eyes glazed. I can almost see the wheels turning.

Flashback to training school.
What was the one thing his teacher told him that he must always remember as a steward? The one thing...
Aha! That the parachute's located behind the left door! No... no... wait, thats not it.
Ah, now I remember. Always comb your hair. Every morning. Without fail. He reaches to his head before realises that that wasnt it either.

Yes, now it dawns on him. Always be polite to passengers, even if they are annoying 19 year olds who want cotton wool.

He returns to earth with a plasticky smile.
"I'm sorry ma'am, we dont have any on board."

I return the plasticky smile.
"Really? How unfortunate."

Pleased at his adeptness at handling the situation, the steward walks away. I mutter curses the rest of the flight. And spend the first half of my trip nodding and smiling when anyone said anything I couldnt hear, and then changing my expression based on the kind of reaction that got.

The Nimhans Road

Its a nice place to pass on your way to college everyday.
Wide, bright, full of trees and rustic somehow. I like.

Right now the pavements on the sides are carpetted with yellow flowers. It looks amazing. Really does.
Most of the trees on this road are flower-bearing ones. Purple, pink and yellow this road was a couple of weeks ago.

During the night however, things are slightly different. There are no street lights, or if there are, the trees prevent much of the light from making its way down to you. Its then that you remember that this road houses a mental hospital. Its gloomy, quiet and slightly scary.

During the day it feels like a research institute. A place of learning, of science.
At night it feels like a scene from a horror movie.
Context, is so important.

The Ungrammatical Things That Were Said That Tuesday

Here's one of them:

"He doo's that!" or something to that effect.

See, I forgot.
Forgot that there was such a word as 'does' in the English Language. 'Does', just didnt sound right, you know?
A terrible blunder to make isnt it?
And I said it again, despite the shocked expression I was getting from Snum. Thought she wasnt hearing correctly or something (she can be kind of thick at times).
"He doo's that! He doo's! What . . . wh . . what? Snum? Are you alright? Are you having some kind of weird attack?"
All I can say in my defense is, it hasnt ever happened before. And that sometimes brains um.. (faltering slightly) . . . short circuit, and stuff so . . . (decides to stop here before she says anything even more foolish)

Thankfully Bestest said a lot of foolish things which more than made up for my utter lack of brains. :-)

Here are a few of them...
She started off with:
1. My skull is frozen!
(yes, yes, you are thinking right. It was surgically removed, then placed in ice.)

Next she said:
2. I didn't commented.
(Really, she didnt. She also didn't knew she had made a mistake when she said that, until I, in between loud guffaws, told her. Very similar to the "He doo's!" incident.)

And last of all, she told me:
3. I ate gingerbread with cheese at Pizza Hut.
(And it said "Run, run, as fast as you can! You cant catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!"
Just before a large bestest bite silenced it.)

:D

Need I say anything more?
(And what I mean by that is, I'd better not, in case in a tongue of the slip, I say something utterly stupid again
.
.
.

dang it!)