Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The Mad Squirrel

Did I ever mention the mad squirrel I once encountered?
Well, I was sprawled out on the sofa in the living room one particularly drowsy afternoon, and the curtains were drawn. No one was home and I was just about to fall into a nice little slumber,when I heard a rapping sound. I sat up. The noise would not stop and it was beginning to bother me.

It was a constant, unrelenting loud tapping noise. It seemed to come from somewhere behind the curtains.

Cautiously, I pull them back. And on the other side of the glass, I am faced with a squirrel, who is, staring back at me.

The staring doesnt seem to affect his paw movement though. He can stare and knock at the glass at the same time. A multi talented squirrel.

I know your reaction is "Awww! How cute! Did you take a picture? The darling little thing! How absolutely adorable!"
But no. No. Not this squirrel. Definitely not.

This squirrel had a mad glint in its eyes. That, accompanied by the unnerving staring and simultaneous tapping, totally freaked me out.

Any normal, sane squirrel would have fled at the first movement of the curtains. Not this squirrel. This squirrel wanted to get in.

What for? If it was raining, I'd've understood. I'd've gladly let it in and provided it refreshments and shelter until the rain subsided. But it was a perfectly sunny day. Who knows what ulterior motives this weird squirrel had. I wasnt going to let it in and steal all the electronic goods. Or allow it to murder me or something.
(Really. It looked vicious.)

Helpless and not knowing what to do, I phoned my mum to ask her advice. At least they'd have some idea what happened if they got home and found me gagged and unconscious on the sofa.

"Mum, there's this squirrel, and he's staring at me and I think he's mad!" I blurt out as soon as she picks up.
"What? What's that? A squirrel?" annoyed voice "I'm in a meeting, Madhu. Just scare it away. I'm sure you're capable of scaring a squirrel away."
"No!" I try to explain "But this one's a mad squi..."
Engaged tone

So much for that. Well they'd be sorry when they'd find later how the squirrel managed to bore through the glass with those razor like teeth of his and get at me.
Muttering a little, I pick up a newspaper and chuck it at the squirrel. A sane squirrel would've run for it. Blinked even. Not this one.
I try and scare it with sudden movements. The neighbours must have thought I was performing some kind of weird dance ritual.
I tap back at it through the window.
Believe me, any other squirrel'd have been dead with fright.
Not this one.
The newspaper and dancing only angered it further and it began squeaking.

I decided to ignore it. Switched the TV on, tried to find something on National Geographic about how squirrels are easy prey for owls or something. Thought I'd try and scare its wits out.

It left, finally. Got bored I think, since I was no longer acting hysterically.
Good riddance, the mad little thing.
Coming and frightening me out of my sleep. Who does it think it is?

Saturday, May 12, 2007


... was the attitude of the auto driver who took us to Malleshwaram yesterday. I mean come on.

The whole of last semester was about feminism. Psychology seminar, Psychology Fest, Psychotic people, all screaming their lungs out at how women are looked down upon by the entire world.

I'd had enough of it. I hadn't ever experienced any kind of difference in attitudes because I was a girl. These people must just have some kind of need for drama. Perhaps they just needed something to scream about, vent about. That seemed to be the only explanation.
And it kind of defeated the purpose, I thought. If they want equality for women they should stop screaming about the fact that they need special treatment.
They all seemed highly irrational to me.

Anyway all that changed on Thursday. Su2 and I were to go to Malleshwaram CET cell to "get some sensational sob stories ya, so we can write up an article on it."

So we took an auto. Mistake. The auto driver was, unfortunately, a madman.

He told us, "Girls should never wear jeans. Now I'm not saying you're bad girls, but what kind of impression are we supposed to get?"

We were wearing kurtas and jeans, let me just add.

"Now imagine," he says, "What am I to you? Your anna? Or your Chikappa, right?"

Alright, if you say so, although I'd rather not be related to a crackpot like you, increases the chances of passing on the insanity to the children.

"Now, will you sit in front of your anna or chikappa like that?"

Uh, yeah. Why the hell not? You git.

"Girls must only wear sarees. Makes them look decent. So that we men can feel respect for you."

I see. So we should dress with the sole purpose to gain the respect of morons like you. Yes, that is all that occupies our minds. What you think of us. We dont dress to make ourselves feel comfortable or feel good. No, no. We dress to please you, to suit your whims and fancies.

And just then, I caught him stare at a girl crossing the road who was wearing a saree.

Men will stare whatever you wear. We all have to learn to live with that.
Who the hell does he think he's kidding?

"Under the Kumaraswamy government, in 2015, a law will be passed making it compulsory for girls to wear only saree."

WHO does he think he is to decide what the entire population of women across the world should wear? WHO? Does he think he OWNS us?

What if we made it compulsory for men to wear dhothis at all times? Or suits at all times? Nothing but suits? What of it? Ass.

"Also, girls shouldnt wear all these pretty pretty chains."

Ok sir. Yes yes. I shall go home and throw away all my jewelery. Happy?

"I have two daughters"

My heart aches for them.

"My daughter asked for a chain. I said NOTHING DOING. See, women should not want to dress prettily."

Says the moron. URGH!!

I now understand a little bit why all those people were ranting and raving at the psych seminar. I feel the same sort of indignation at the frighteningly prehistoric attitudes some men have.

Recently there were articles in the paper about how they are planning to ban working at late nights for women. I think that is really ridiculous. Really. If your so concerned about safety for women, make the place safer! Don't decide to imprison women! Ha! Madness.
It should be the woman's choice! What if she wants to work late nights and you're not letting her? Last I heard, it was a free country.

I'm reminding myself of those ranting raving ladies. I now understand how its difficult to sound sensible when you're that angry.

What scared me was how rational the auto driver sounded. He didnt look like a person with a mental disorder. His eyes werent rolling and there was no uncontrollable salivation. He was a normal person, with this really abnormal idea.

Lots of people are like this, Su2 tells me.
But isnt it ridiculous?

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

FnA's Day

Last year we took photos.
This year we forgot.
Last year the Champ and I stayed over.
This year too, with others.
Last year Champ dropped me on her way back and took my jacket.
This year Champ dropped me on her way back and returned it. (nah, just kidding. She was late, but not that late.)
Last year there was pineapple cake.
This year too.
Last year it was eaten at 7.00 pm.
This year, at 2.30 am.
Last year we laughed at absolutely nothing.
This year too. Our sense of humour, I tell you. We arent getting any better with that.
Last year we were worried about exams.
This year too. ('Cept me, Hah! wildly ecstatic grin )
Last year we laughed at the King of Crap, the Cartoon Bear and That Letter of the Alphabet among others.
This year too. (Some things'll never change)
Last year I wore blue.
This year too.
Last year she cracked PJs.
This year too, too many.
Last year was fun.
This year was funner.

Heres to a gazillion more!