Friday, January 26, 2007

Oshsays

There are loads of them. Oshsays.
You know, things that Osh says.
Yes, yes. I know.
I could have picked a better name. I could have.
But I've been calling them Oshsays in my head for so long now, that nothing else seems right.

Oh, I just love Osh. She is just so funny. She's smart, and very articulate. She has words in her vocab that I might have heard of, but would never think to put in a sentence.
And she's brilliant at spur of the moment public speeches.

Lascivious mouth.
Thats what she said in the spur of the moment speech in PK's class, remember Snum? When we were asked to make that presentation that we were so unwilling to do and hence did not prepare for at all? He literally had to force us on stage. Well, we got through it and even managed to scrape a Good Job! at the end of the day,
but even in our endless joy at the ordeal all being over, we were dumbfounded at Osh's abilities.

Osh is... why am I explaining Osh to you?
You
know Osh.
Perhaps its because I hope to get a little... ahem... monetary renumeration? (refer Sudden Sleepover point 7)

Anyway its all in the way she speaks. She speaks brilliantly. The Oshsays are missing a critical element if you arent hearing her say them.

Here are some of them.
1. I'm too bored to yawn.
Her expression added to the effect. We were in 4E's class. Great teacher he is. He was showing us around the college. Describing structures to us. The architecture and the sculptures.
Whats that? Oh, it was communicative english class. (look that says, that should answer all your questions)
It was my second time around, so you can forgive me for not paying attention. The other batch hadnt done this yet. All this was new to Osh. And that is when she made her assessment of the class with our first little Oshsay.

2.We'd taken to narrating funny little incidents to each other in order to pass time. This was one Osho's.

"Jay told me a joke which was not remotely funny. I said to him, I said " If you think that was funny, then I certainly need to think."
.
.
:-|
.
.
(insert confused expression)

Absurd she is. :D How I do love her. So much fun. :)

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Reality TV. How Real?

I love The Apprentice.
For all you ignorant bums referred to in my earlier post, it is a reality series that... oh, just go google it.

I love the show. Just my kinda thing. I love the teams, the strategies, the justice. Don't you just love it? How can someone not enjoy the Apprentice? Gives me a high. A rush, to see who deserved to be fired, get fired, and see those who didnt, . . . er, not be.

Well, for quite sometime, I've been thinking. How real is it all?
And by quite sometime, I mean today, after I watched it.
Its so very easy to edit these kinds of shows. Is what we see ALL thats really going on?

The reason I got to thinking, was that this season, for the first two episodes, I noticed that the person I really badly wanted Mr Trump to fire, did in fact get fired. The person I wanted him to reprimand, was in fact reprimanded. The one whose values I liked, and wanted him to praise, he did in fact praise.

It wasn't like that in the first two seasons at all. Alma Rosa, or whatever that freak in the first season was called, didnt get fired till almost the very end.

At first, on observing this, I thought, "Oh my goodness. Business has suddenly become my calling. I must get a letter pad and envelope and apply to the Trump Organisation immediately. How they will rejoice on finding someone who echoes Mr Trump's sentiments exactly!"

But a saner voice inside my head told me to think about it for a second you darned nut.
And I did.
My opinions were made on the basis of what I saw. What I saw, was decided upon by the editors.
Its been quite a few years since the first season. What if by now, they've wisened up?

What if, the editors wait (lurking about in dingy corners and alleys, if you like), to see who Mr Trump fires, and then work the entire editting around playing up that person's stupidities, so that the viewers want him fired, and so that when he finally is, they get their finish-of-the-episode rush, end up feeling all triumphant and endorphin-filled, and thus get operently conditioned into watching the series again?

Its all very possible you know.


Also, candidates who are actually behaving ridiculously, but who Trump doesnt seem to realise are, could be in on a cover up.
(That line does not make sense. Let me re-phrase.)

Their behaviour could be being masked, so that viewers arent angry that this hasnt been acknowledged, and dont feel like not watching the series again.
(Whoa. Now thats something even you can understand, isnt it? . . . NOT. I've confused even myself there. Lets try again.)

A candidate's bad behaviour might not be shown on air, if Mr Trump hasnt acknowledged and condemned the behaviour. This way, the viewers dont feel indignant that it was overlooked. Instead, they feel happy that everything turned out the way they wanted it to, the way it should be. Thus, having experienced such triumphant feelings, they are eager to watch the show again. Ratings go up. Producers make money. Sneaky skulking little editors in their dingy alleys are paid for all their efforts. Everybody's happy.

But then its not right is it? Not real.

I dont know. I could be totally wrong. There've only been 2 episodes. I'll watch the rest of them before I make up my mind.

A Zz and me Bit: The Zz Code

You havent heard of it?
What... seriously?
Which planet, precisely do you live on?

Rolls eyes and mutters for a bit about how dumb people are getting.

Okay, okay. I forgive you for your ignorance.
Possibly its just that Zz doesnt message you. (Incredulous look that says very clearly,"Yes, there is a high probability that you belong to that 2% of the population.")

Shakes head at what the world is coming to. I mean, we were dumb enough as it was, with all those american duffers we see on TV consistituing such a large portion of the world's population, without people in the vicinity displaying their ignorance with such panache.

Shakes self and decides to move on in the fear that she has lost the attention of the reader already (attention spans these days, god, don't get me started...)

The Zz code.
Or Da Zz Code.
Whichever you prefer.
Yes. Allow me to explain.

Zz gets a hundred free messages a day.
Evidently, that is not enough.
Evidently.


At around eight o' clock, she begins the process.
(Play MI music in background)

A missed call is given from Zz's phone to MM's.
Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na. (Thats the nokia ring tone. Not Bond Music, if you're confused. Its not MI music either. The MI music is playing in the background.)

MM looks up from her work (which is of high importance, I assure you). She's heard the cue. Now its all up to her. With cat-like agility, she swiftly searches the room for her phone, which she has left somewhere to cry alone, as usual, at how neglected it is.

After a few minutes, in which her room is ransacked to the point of it looking like a tsunami diaster area, she finds her phone. It is in her bag.

A sigh of relief is heaved. There's still time.
The keypad is unlocked.
A message is quickly typed out. (Using dictionary of course, so time saving it is.)
A quick re read, and the message is sent off to Zz.

The Code is complete.


In case you were wondering what the hell that was all about,
Congratulations!

You now belong to the covetted group that forms The World's Most Blithering Idiots.
Please await in the post, your introductory letter, which describes the initiation process you are required to undergo. In the mean time, buy yourself some rope and a large jar of honey. This will come in very handy as you will later come to find ou...

...Oh... I'm sorry. I dont know whats gotten into me. I seem to be in a very bad mood today. You are not an idiot. I assure you. Its just me. Really it is.
So what if you dont understand plain English? Doesnt mean you're stupid or anything...

Oops there I go again. I must really stop being so condescending, shouldnt I?
I should go on with my slightly pointless little story.

Its perfectly alright that you didnt understand. I shall explain in slightly less complicated terms. Now pay attention, and perhaps you will be able to comprehend... I mean, get, what I'm saying.



SMS conversation:
Yesterday, 8.03pm
Zz has finished her day's free messages.
MM (very put on, very fake look of surprise) has not.

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na.

MM: Messages over I suppose?

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na.

MM: I thought as much, I did.

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na.

MM: Why yes, thank you. I have had dinner. Scrumptious meal of rice, sambar and beans laced with coconut. And what about you?

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na.

MM: Ooo sounds YUM! Ask your mum to send some to college some day.

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na.

MM: Dang it. If only I were non veggie.

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na.

MM: Okay, okay! I'll put my songs in a cd for you. You dont have to be all naggy about it.

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na.

MM: The CD doesnt have enough space for five hundred and thirty songs you silly goose. I'll put in as much as I can.

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na.

MM: AND the sleep over photos, yes. Grumble grumble. The stuff I do for you. Grumble.

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na na.

MM: Alright. I've stopped grumbling. Are you happy now? Mutter mutter. CD's almost done.

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta n

MM: Yawn. Yes, I'm sleeepy too. Well I'll catch ya tomorrow.

Zz: Ta na na na, Ta na na na, Ta na na na NA!

MM: Sigh. I wont forget the cd. Nag, nag, nag.

10.04 pm.
The code is complete.


Now besides all this being very fun for me, the reason I play along with the whole Zz code thing, is because I'm terribly jobless, not to mention psychologically imbalanced. And because, well, I like Zz, despite all the insane tricks she pulls. And also, because its mysterious. It is a code after all. Who doesnt want to be part of a mysterious code? I for one, do.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Sigh

Isn't that beautiful? We were dune bashing in the desert, and they stopped for a break, and so that we could take photos while the sun was setting. It looks not so, but it was terribly cold. The sand felt almost like ice cold talcum powder. Wind speeds were incredible. We had to make sure we were standing against the wind while taking photos, because if sand gets into the lens of your camera, you might as well bury the whole camera right there in the sand. Damages it completely. I took a video of the sun setting. People later said that watching it was the most boring 6 minutes of their lives. (Okay, so I'm not a prodigial film maker :-P) But gosh, when it was happening there for real... sigh... just... beautiful.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Winnie-the-Pooh-Related Jargon

1. "I suspitionate that something's very wrong."
A tigger dialogue Zz and I came accross during Bookmark (was that not the best fun?). We have incorporated this very thouroughly into our own vocabularies.

2. "Its so nice to know that your chocolate sauce and milk get along, just when you want them to."
A bestest dialogue, so worthy of the Bear-Of-Little-Brain, I had to smile feeling all fuzzy and content inside, and put it in the clog. :-)

3. "Exactically." - one I just remembered.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Sudden Sleepover

Thats what we had on Sunday. Well sudden it was for me at least. Snum's parents were over in Bangalore from Hisar, and trying to get out as much as she could from their visit is something the typical snum would do.
So she called 10 friends over for dinner. Her mother of course (poor dear) would have to cook.

Thing is, Snum lives on the other side of the universe. So I was pretty much resigned to the fact that I wouldn't be going. Until 7.30pm that evening. The TenZen calls and tells me she's going by car. Would I like to come along?
Unlike certain evil munches I know, The TenZen lives on this side of the universe, and hence, this was wonderful news.

In 20 minutes which included a lot of reprimandings about spur of the moment planning, and a lot of me scurrying about the place stuffing clothes into my bag (I would have to stay on that side of the universe for the night, due to it's being too far away from my side), I was sitting in the TenZen's car on my way to a Sudden Sleepover.

1. I drank alcohol. As soon as I got there. It was camouflaged in this bottle and flavoured with cranberry so I didnt know until I'd taken a sip and with a horrific grimace, read the label. 2% alcohol apparently. Breezers. Beb drank 7 bottles I think. Zz was the one who tricked me into it. (Angry look) Take advantage of my sudden arrival and the surrounding commotion, will you Zz? Wait, you just wait. :-P

Why the hell would anyone drink that? Yueechh. Bitter and icky it was. Yueechh.

2. Me Zz and Beb escaped to the calm serenity of the outside. Sat next to the lotus pond and chattered. (That sounds better than chatted) Threw stones at the window which opened out from the mini disco everyone else had started up. This however did not cause the disturbance we'd have liked.

3. Shared knowing looks with Osh at least 17 times.

4. Had an absolutely scrumptuous meal... macaroni and cheese, salad etc, and this lovely chocolate biscuit pudding. Snum's mum... Muah. :-)

5. They others left and the sleepover girls remained, like the flowers on a tabubiah tree do in spring. Hee hee.
Me Zz Osh and Snum, of course, we couldn't exclude her, it was her house after all.

6. We ate dinner. The rest took FOREVER to finish. Me Osh and Zz were sitting on the white couch in the secluded little corner watching them. Snum was being the perfect hostess as usual.
Actually, it was me and Zz at first, until Osh came over, admonished us for bing noisy, and then promptly joined in the noise.
Zz was reading Snum's prized possession: her newly bought Calvin and Hobbes book and discussing about whether we were Calvins' or Hobbes'. Apparently, I'm a Hobbes. Osh is a Calvin. I have no idea how they came to that conclusion.
When that topic had run dry, they began discussing about whether or not we could write books on one another.
Osh said she'd pay anyone who could come up with more than 3 pages on her a million dollars. Zz and I thought we'd try, but we were too lazy to get off the sofa.
Zz was "not talking to me" because I didnt know something about her that I've now again forgotten (if only you weren't so boring, Zz). You and merking, I swear.

7. It was 10.30pm. We hogged. Zz and Snum kept taking food off my plate. It tasted better off mine than off theirs appaently. Weird logic.

8. Snum's parents did the Forest Personality test and laughed a great deal at it/us, can't be sure which.

9. We went upstairs, it was 11.30pm. Changed (Snum looked like the Buddha for a short interval) and then proceeded to laugh ourselves silly over everything, Osh included.

10. At 1 am, we put on Just Like Heaven, a movie, on the comp. Reese Witherspoon and Mark(?) Buffalo(?). Very cute. Had to watch it till the end. It was 3.15am.
Decided we'd finally sleep. But ended up talking instead, calling Zz "Scheißen " at regular intervals and laughing hysterically.

11. It was 4am, they were hungry. Snum went to the dining room to get eats. Came back squealing hysterically that "There was something breathing in the dining room!" When we had rolled our eyes sufficiently enough, they ate. Later Snum started a whole whining session about crumbs on her bed. She later informed us that at around 6am, she had moved to another bedroom.

12.At 5.45 am I decided that now would be a good time to sleep. I rolled over and fell asleep.
3 seconds later, Snum woke me up. Except, it was 7.30am. Darn. Considered not going for the "very important class on our research papers". Decided we wouldnt and plonked back to bed. We were still laughing hysterically. Zz wasnt. She was under the covers mumbling death threats at us for having woken her up.

13. 8.05am Me and Osh are ready (Don't ask how we managed that fast, I have no idea) Zz's still not out of bed, Snum is compulsively ironing her pant. We leave. Take a while to find an auto. Get one.

14. The chilly wind hits my face as we sit there. I've forgotten my jacket in The TenZen's car. We reach coll with 10 min to spare.
HURRAY!

15. Grab a sandwich from the cafeteria and plonk in class.

16. Bedraggled Zz and Snum arrive later. Weirdly, we arent sleepy. At least I'm not. But after the holi crap class and its 1pm, I decide to go home and sleep. The thought of just 2 hours of sleep freaked me out. Missed only one class. Snum had low attendence and had to stay. Zz went to sleep. Osh carried on as usual, braving it through the day.

And thats how it ended

17. Osh's dialogue of the day "Our class is nothing but a bunch of assorted hooligans."
Zz's most repeated sentence "I'm not talking to you." We learnt not to take that one too seriously.
Snum's most funny noise (among a medley of others) "Shhhhh!" followed by "My grandma is sleeping!" This, we blatantly ignored.

All in all it was major fun. Memories. :-)

Saturday, January 6, 2007

A Zz and me bit: Gruesomeness

Guess what Zz messaged me about yesterday evening.
Go on, guess.

Raindrops on roses?
Whiskers on kittens?
Bright Copper kettles and warm woolen mittens?
Silver white winters that melt into springs?
No, No, No, No.

I think her exact words were:
If you die tom, would you like to be buried?

At first, I was shocked at her blatant indifference towards my passing.
"'If I died tomorrow...'?" I muttered to myself angrily. "'If I died tomorrow...'!? What is this? Some sort of joke? How dare she be so casual about me dying! Does she think MM's grow on trees or what? I'm sure my death merits more respect and importance than that! 'If you died tomorrow...' I show her dying. Just wait till I see her in college tomorrow. Phthbah!"

As much as I didnt want to think about the gruesome thought of my own death, I had to.
Because I was trying not to. :-|
I found out what I'd always known I suppose.
I would not like to be buried or cremated or by eaten by vultures.
But since cremation is what they do in our family, I guess i'd go for that. I don't really care actually. I mean, I'd be dead anyway.
And with that unpleasant thought, I turned my mind away from my own death, and focused instead, on Zz's answer.

Apparently, she'd like to be in an urn.

Yes, you read right, in an urn.
Specifically, in a beautiful urn.

Anyhou (which I've been saying a lot thanks to PS), the urn reminded me of a poem we had last semester that I rather liked:

ODE ON A GRECIAN URN

By John Keats

Thou still unravished bride of quietness,
Thou foster child of silence and slow time,
Sylvan historian, who canst thus express
A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What leaf-fringed legend haunts about thy shape
Of deities or mortals, or of both,
In Tempe or the dales of Arcady?
What men or gods are these? What maidens loath?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy?

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endeared,
Pipe to the spirit dities of no tone.
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave
Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;
Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the goal---yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss
Forever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed
Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;
And, happy melodist, unweari-ed,
Forever piping songs forever new;
More happy love! more happy, happy love!
Forever warm and still to be enjoyed,
Forever panting, and forever young;
All breathing human passion far above,
That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloyed,
A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.

Who are these coming to the sacrifice?
To what green altar, O mysterious priest,
Lead'st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,
And all her silken flanks with garlands dressed?
What little town by river or sea shore,
Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,
Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn?
And, little town, thy streets for evermore
Will silent be; and not a soul to tell
Why thou art desolate, can e'er return.

O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity. Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty"---that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

1820



Though I dont particularly agree on the the last two lines, I do like the poem.

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;

Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed
Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;
And, happy melodist, unweari-ed,
Forever piping songs forever new;

Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the goal---yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss
Forever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

Those are my favourite lines. Poor guy. he was depressed when he wrote this. Felt it'd be better to be on the urn instead. Well, at least he wasnt thinking of being in it, like Zz.

The reason why this poor gentleman was depressed, is because his wife'd left him. Poor chap. Failed marriage. Her name ws Anne I think. She ran off with someone. I distinctly remember my teacher saying that.

I could of course, be completely mistaken. This could be information on one of the other 5 billion poets whose work we had to study last sem.
I could be utterly wrong and have told you the life history of George Herbert or John Dryden or someone.

But I'm pretty sure that it was a failed marriage that Keats had.

Friday, January 5, 2007

The Unicorn Thing Again

Would you believe it?
My 4 and a half year old niece in Dubai, I learn, when I get there, ALSO has her very own unicorn.
And GET THIS! Its white with a purple mane and tail.

Deja vu.
History really does repeat itself. Goodness.

This particular unicorn is named Pegasus, except, when she pronounces it, she says Pe-KAW-sus and stares at you wide eyed while saying it.

One afternoon in the sunlit hall, I managed to convince her that Pekawsus had once belonged to me, that I had sent him to her, and that he had flown accross the seven seas to reach her, with those flimsy little wings of his. (Kids today are so gulible... rolls eyes)
Pekawsus, understandably, made no comment.

Soon, however, that became a favourite bedtime story. How I had bought him, about how I grew up, and then she had been born, and how I had said that he'd better go to Dubai to meet her, and about his journey accross the seven seas.
This was accompanied by Pekawsus performing short re enactmants of his perilous flight. This was naturally, the highlight of the whole event.

A fine specimen that Pekawsus is. Very cutely adorable, with a handsome glittering horn and a healthy glowing coat. He even comes in his very own special pink furry basket.

:-D ha ha
laughs some more
Oh... the saga continues... and continues...

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