Run, run for cover... Quickly, before you get sucked into the long drawn out journey that is this post, a downward spiral into complete and utter...
Hello there. Im notsovery happy at the moment.
Why, you ask incredulously with raised eyebrow?
It's the exams, my friend. They're here again.
Except this time, they are a lot worse.
How, you ask incredulously with raised eyebrow?
Because this time, I really dont care anymore how well I do. It's like Shar and I were talking about, there is JUST no motivation.
Look first of all, it's all just too bloody boring.
There are just so many other things we do in our course and outside of it that give us more of a sense of fulfillment than getting marks in these crazy exams do. And having to read all this garbage so boring in comparison.
It's like the Arousal Theory of Motivation, you know? It's not challenging enough for you to want to start. At least, the practical things were more challenging than this is.
So studying during the day? Fuh-ged about it.
I try to find my books at 11pm and open them. I try to read them. But EVERYFRICKINTHING ELSE is just so much more interesting.
Staring into space daydreaming: More interesting
Writing entire blogposts in my head: More interesting
Listening to songs Im already sick of: More interesting
Staring at ceiling fan for 45 minutes: More interesting
Even The Ellen Degeneres Show *closes eyes in resignation*: More interesting!
It's come to this.
Now this isnt to say that it wasnt all boring before. It was. Except then, I actually cared a twiddle about doing well.
Before, marks meant a lot to me (I am Iyengari, how could they not?). Before, I was all like Yay I topped second semester, yay! came second in third semester! (or something... who keeps track of these things anyway? I do.)
Before, I'd get a little panicked the day before and start studying at around 11pm. Because I'd want to do well. That made me.
Now I dont particularly want to do well anymore. I have stopped caring. And that particular point my children, is when you know that you have lost all hope.
So now what's happening is this: I manage to kick myself to start (because I am a scooter) by around 11pm. Then all the daydreaming and doing anything else I possibly can other than study happens until 3am. Then I finish everything between 3 and 4 am.
It is just not possible for me to do it any other way.
My sleep cycle's all haywire, so thats a lot of fun.
On an unrelated note, a pesky friend of mine who's come over tonight managed to post on my blog, what was meant to go on one of her own private blogs, and I have been spending the past half an hour scrambling around deleting it. On the bright side, it got me to write this post which is long over due... my blog has been dead for ages... so yay!
Also, I must again mention that several things that have happened have gone undocumented, so upcoming posts will mostly be me reliving the past.
Betchya looking forward to that arent you?