Friday, August 3, 2007

Hitmen

These auto drivers are out to get me ya.
I was almost killed this morning. Very almost.
The bugger was applying the brakes HARD every 1/15 th of a second, each time just missing some humunganormous truck or bus that was moving towards us at breakneck speed.
It felt like he was trying to do away with me and make it look like an accident.
The only consolation was, it looked like he was out to kill other people too, not just me.

My constant tsk-ing didnt help.
Even when I said, after one particularly near miss, "NIDHANKKE HOGI DUDE, PARAVAGILLA!" nothing happened.
He just continued to plough through the streets like some reckless maniac charged with excess adrenalin.

I mean I totally dig Action-Thriller-Suspense movies and all that, but I do NOT need that kind of heavy emotion at eight o' clock in the morning, okay?
Especially because Im never completely awake until around ten... I need at least 3 hours after I get up to become Fully Functional And Alert MM.
If you're jerking me awake every 1/15th of a second and giving me small heart attacks every 7 minutes at 8am in the morning, I'm bound to get a little crabby.

And the offences kept piling up...
Yes yes, PUT on the radio why dont you with one hand while driving.
Does it MATTER that the switch is located under your own seat? NOooo, of COURSE not.
Does is MATTER that there's a Tata Sumo careening its way toward us dangerously? NOooo.
Does it MATTER that the volume is on highest and that the passenger (who is in the prime of her youth) is having her poor eardrums mutilated whilst you switch from station to station? NOooo, NOooo, not at all.
You just keep driving on like a blind man, and we'll just wait and see what happens, alright?

The other day on JC Road, this auto driver (particularly smart one I got this time) decides to pick up his phone. In the MIDDLE of that bleeding junction.
AND, seems to think that speaking on it is more important than weaving the auto in between all that HTV.
I mean, usually, auto drivers pay attention to the roads while talking on their phones.
This one totally FORGOT he was even driving.
I understand he might've been talking to his girlfriend or whatever, but dude, first priority should be Keep Self Alive for Her.
A Tarpaulin blue luxury bus the size of a wooly mammoth almost rammed into the left side of the auto, causing me to scream sense to him for the next 15 minutes, as he drove sheepishly on, phone in pocket.

Why do people drive so badly? Do they all want to die? All Im asking for is a little caution here.

The ride ended off with me almost killing the auto guy. Snapped his head off, I did. Who did he think he was, the git... no change he says mutter mutter... ALREADY late for class I am... making me lose attendance... grumble... forcing me to ask random people off the street for change, the lunatic...... almost KILLING me!

So nonchalant he was. How do they do it? Face death voluntarily so regularly? Why do they do it? Is it that difficult to drive responsibly? One of life's greatest mysteries.

6 comments:

prickles said...

i was in a bus where the driver was yakking away on his mobile... the bus was fully packed, i was on standing, with a heavy IIT-Physics book in my hand... kept getting rocked this way and that. bit of luck i didnt get thrown off.
--priya from The NITK Numbskulls

La said...

haha! :D

you know what I really like about this post?
humunganormous :D

Yeah autos can be really annoying. Tiny but annoying. And it doesn't help that buses move the same way.

If I didn't use buses for two years of my life I would hate them. They're horrible! They insist on being in the extreme right lane until the busstop comes. Then in the last minute they zip to the other side of the road. You can imagine what happens to all the vehicles behind. You know, you simply cannot drive around this city if you don't know where exactly the busstops are on every street. And you may still get killed because buses also stop where they busstops are not.

Everyday is one big adventure.

Lalitha said...

FOR THE LOVE OF PSYCHOLOGY- The story of one girl...her scooty....on the road from Bannerughatta to Kengeri

It was a cold wet foggy cruelly early in the morning. The air was filled with buzzing noises of bees and irritatingly cheerful songs of birds. And someone yelled "bloody hell!". It was me on my scooty "Tooky". Tooky does not start in the mornings, and stops if I travel below 40km/hr. Oh and did I mention one of the brakes is shot! Its a good bike, it goes, only not very well.

Half an hour later...I am singing "Born to be Wild" on ring road, behind a truck. The truck behind me HONKS!!!! It breaks my rhythm. The truck in front suddenly brakes, move move, cannot use brake, swear right, shit bullock cart, honk honk, curse, aaaah just missed bullocks, farmer type yells, sorry. Ok "Bohohohoraaaan TOoo be Fhaaareee...bha bha bha" Bus attacks frm right....move to the left on the foot path honk at pedestrians.....just missed the lovely toilet river (the one near kengari)
Ok "who lets the dogs out who..." waaaaa car overtaking move move...shit truck....bike....auto driver....brrrrrrrrrrrake...bike stops "bloody hell".....kick start.....
ok "where ever you go what ever you do..." Aaaah Kamakazi bike guy...."yaanere maneli hele bandilwa...bloody hell"
oooh im making 60 not bad not bad...
Ooops gotta make a turn here
dodge...
truck
van
car
auto
Made it...
"Who yo daddy now.."

Ok moving on "Doe a Deer a female..." AAAAAAAHHHH! STUPIDBUSGUYSTOPPEDINMIDDLEOFBLOODYSTREETMADEMEBRAKEMYBIKEWONTSTARTHAVETOPUSHIT AAAAAAAAAAAH
ok Calm down....Road rage is not good....lets go to a happy place, a library...filled with new books....the smell of new books...the scilence....the calm

HONKKKKKhonKKKKKKKKHONHONKKKK....
"ok ok Im starting already! Who died???"

Ok "Its going to be ok, its just traffic, noone wants to kill you, everyone loves you..." EXCEPTTHATINSANEPRIVATEBUSGUY!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Its ok Im ok Im alive. Ooops missed another turn. Dodge bus
bus
truck
Maruti 800
bike

And Im at college!
:)

La said...

hahahah! ok, it's not that bad for me. My scooty is annoying (yes it is) but it doesn't stop if I go below 40, (well it used to. Actually, it used to stop if I go below 40 and it would not go at forty unless I accelerated completely.)And it doesn't have a name. The traffic is bad. But not that bad because not so many trucks after bannerghatta road so early in the morning.

PS said...

"Very almost."
"humunganormous"
"NIDHANKKE HOGI DUDE, PARAVAGILLA!"

*is rolling on the floor*

MM said...

@Priya: Crazy innit? :D Some of these buses are just plain scary!

@La: Everyday is one big adventure... seriously!

@PS: Thanks! :)

@Lalitha: Wow...that was funny!

Ok "Its going to be ok, its just traffic, noone wants to kill you, everyone loves you..." EXCEPTTHATINSANEPRIVATEBUSGUY!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

"Who yo daddy now.."

STUPIDBUSGUYSTOPPEDINMIDDLEOFBLOODYSTREETMADEMEBRAKEMYBIKEWONTSTARTHAVETOPUSHIT AAAAAAAAAAAH
ok Calm down....Road rage is not good....lets go to a happy place, a library...filled with new books....the smell of new books...the silence....the calm

Hahahahahahahaha! Write more stuff like this!!! :) :) :)