Sunday, February 17, 2008

Things that Amuse me and Things that Dont

My local Beauty Parlour amuses me. For ten bucks, you get your eyebrows done really well, and you get a bit of entertainment thrown in for free. The parlour has become a place for the middle aged women of our locality to congregate and gossip about their neighbours. So while Im sitting in the chair being threaded, but otherwise completely ignored, I catch up on all the latest happenings in my locality.

"Ay, Reena, ning hosa story gothidiya?"
(Ay Reena, are you knowing the new story?)

"Gothilla kane helbidu bega"
(I dont know ya, tell off quickly.)

"Dod mane kaka angadi pakka ganda hendathi ibbaru suss-side madbitru, car alli, BDA Park mundhe ."
(Big house next to condiments store husband wife both did off suss-side in their car in front of BDA park.)

"Usshusho nijvaglu?"
(Oh my great heavens, for sooth?)

"Howdu. Yako gothilla. Aurella tumba richu. High class. Status. Magalu Switzerland allidale bere."
(Yes. Why, who knows. They are all very rich. High class. Status. Daughter is in Switzerland also.)

"Debit allidransate."
(They must have been in debt.)

"Hucch tane adu. Dodmane itkondu chit fund yella madbekita?"
(Madness only that is. Keeping big house, did they have to do chit funds and all?)

"Ayyo bidu. Psychic aurella"
(Ayyo, leave. They are all persons having the ability to predict the future.)
I think she meant psycho.
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It amuses me how much like a video game this Sunday was.

It was one of those family functions again, and since mum's in the US, I got front seat in the car, and there was no talk about the youngsters of today. It was however very much like watching my dad play a video game.
I felt the same rush as I did so many years ago when I watched my cousins make Super Mario dodge those owl monsters.
Mind that cow, dont kill that limping dog in the process, look out for that stream of saree clad woman sauntering just ahead through the fast moving traffic. Squeeze car between pedestrians who occupy half the road, and that broken down truck. Dodge Maruti Van at twelve o' clock! Ah, you havent bashed into anything. Unbelievable. High score, 1880 points.
I dont think I'll ever get over how ridiculous the roads are.

Lunch on banana leaves. Lots of it. So much that you have to refuse certain foods. How? Place your hand above your leaf, look server in the eye and say "BEDA" firmly. Servers are temperamental though, and if they get the feeling that you really really dont want that puliohare they're bearing, they will vindictively pour a bucketful of it over your hand and onto your leaf.
Dodge that ghee! Poor dad, hands are all spattered with it. Minus 20 points.

Relatives. Lots of them. Asking annoying questions. Particularly Silly Crow. Here she comes, from behind that group of auntys chattering about their jewelery. Dodge her! Career behind group of high energy five year olds, run outside quickly without her noticing. You've made it! Score! 40 points. Wait... Oh no, she's ambushed you near the hand-wash. Caw caw!
Sorry, Game Over.
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As I was curled up on the sofa battling a crippling stomach pain late last night and switching channels in an attempt to distract myself, I chanced upon an awards show. Filmfare was it? yes.
I have to admit, it quite amused me. Ah, these poor celebs.

Kareena dances chaotically on stage. Immediate close up of Shahid who squirms uncomfortably and then smiles plastically.
Shahid wins award for Jab We Met. Switch to close up of Kareena who squirms uncomfortably and then looks off coldly into the distance.
Saif Ali Khan bursts onto stage chewing gum. Close up of Kareena looking triumphant.
Saif Ali Khan cavorts tantalisingly on a balcony with some frisky looking, very fit foreigner gals. Close up of Kareena biting her lip angrily and shaking her head ever so slightly.
Saif Ali Khan cavorts some more. Close up of Kareena looking downcast. Close up of Shahid looking away trying not to laugh.

Dharmendra speaks in English but makes almost no sense at all, and sounds horribly egotistical.
Vivek Oberoi almost cries while receiving his award from dear old dad.
Neha Dhupia screws up her words and looks very shocked at herself a moment after.
I laugh at them all. It amuses my sadistic mind. My pain seems small compared to theirs. Poor celebs. It was all very amusing.
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Those Orkut fortunes also amuse me.
Today's fortune: You are going to have a very comfortable old age
Mind you, this only today's fortune.

Yesterday, Orkut said "You will be recognised and honoured as a community leader."
All hail MM!
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Sad news. Amusement park rides dont amuse me anymore. :(
We went to Wonderla before the exams, me Snum Osh and Zz. It was lots of fun. We laughed a LOT about I have no idea what.
But the rides were NOT exhilarating. At all. Before at least they'd give me a tingle in the tummy or something. Now nothing.
The Pirate Ship was okay, and perhaps Y scream . The rest was all just sissy rubbish. Which is really disappointing. The rides were really fun for me the first two times. Oh well, I shall just have to go bungee jumping the next time Im feeling adventurous. Cowabunga!
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6 comments:

La said...

:D uproarious post! (I'm tired of ending up saying 'funny' everytime, but I think it sounds a LOT better...)

I love your translations!

Video (I never know how to spell that word, and for some reason I've had to quite often. I always try vedio, vidio and vedeo before I manage to get it on my T9) game. Tell me about it. I dashed into the same auto twice because my brakes stopped working, did I tell you? (I think maybe I should stop here and save this for my blog).

Heehee, my orkut fortune one day was, "You and your wife will be very happy together" :D:D

I've never been to an amusement park! Not even Wonderla... :(

PS said...

"Particularly Silly Crow. ... Caw caw! Sorry, game over!"
:D
I agree completely with the above comment, very good running commentary.

And you somehow manage to make a suicide incident sound funny. A gift, that. :)

Lalitha said...

i go to a chinese place to create my face.
chinese lady (CL): big aaair
Lalitha (L): yes sorry its my genes
CL: they look good u buy mervins
L: nono genes i indian
CL: aaah good good namishta
L: what?
CL: namishta (does a namaste). i see dot
L: its a pimple
CL: aaah bad skin you want to buy chinese medicine veeeeery good veeeery cheeep for you special prize
L: no (sulks)
CL: why u have dot (pokes pimple)
L: its pimple
CL: yes yes why dot
L: it symbolizes third eye....
CL: it pimple u drink chinese tea veeeeery bitter drain u of impureness
L: no are you done yet
CL: eeeeeh u hairy
L: (continues to sulk)

La said...

hehehe!

"CL: it pimple u drink chinese tea veeeeery bitter drain u of impureness"

hehehe!

MM said...

@La: You and your wife! :D

@PS: Hehe Thanks :) That Silly crow. She never fails to irritate.

@Lalitha: :D Hilarious!
(CL): big aaair
Lalitha (L): yes sorry its my genes

Namishta! :D
Haahahaahha!

Start a blog!!

La said...

template is nice except for the background colour.