Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Nose cardys and Monsters

Its morning. 8:30am.

Its cold. So cold, in fact, that my hands and nose have ceased to feel like they actually belong to the rest of my body.
I begin to wish I had worn socks.
I begin to wonder why no one has ever fashioned a nose sweater. I'm sure it could be done, without obstructing your breathing, and without making you look like a complete lunatic.
That way your nose could be kept toasty warm, even in biting cold whether.
Hell, there could even be fashion nose cardys!
High tech ones, with little electric blankets built in!
See-through ones (Oooo!),
Polka dotted ones (Look like you have the measles without acquiring a single pock mark!) ,
Ones with mood indicator messages ("Grrr", "Sigh", "Hey! How U doin?"),
Ones with in built tissue dispensers, for when you have a cold,
Ones with mini cameras attached (for Tehelka wannabes),
Ones that match your glasses and your lip gloss,
Ones that warn you when a sneeze is coming,
Even festive nose cardys to be worn on special occassions!
Hell, I'd buy them.
The possibilities, they are endless.

Also, I'm sleepy. This is owing to the fact that I was up till 3am last night doing an assignment so boring that I could not, but shamelessly postpone doing it till the last second. I begged various people to do it for me. That took till about 11.30pm. Everyone refused. Even my mom. She reckons I'm old enough to get out of my scrapes on my own now. (Darn it!)
After that, of course, I had to mutter and grumble about everything, get myself into a really foul mood, and rant extensively and continuously in my head, about what the world was coming to and what happened to selfless acts of kindness among friends and what the hell was the point of this stupid thing anyway.
Also, it was inevitable that I get distracted for a bit and sit and gaze blankly at the computer screen in a kind of stupour. (This is part of my daily routine, it just had to happen.)
All that took until about 2.15.
It took until 3am to get the sloppy, bad tempered bit of work finished.
And that is when I crashed onto my bed and blacked out.

So I'm cold and I'm sleepy, right? And I'm in college, and its one and a half hours before class starts. So I sleepwalk my way through the cold breeze and the crowds of exuberant students (how can they be? Its morning for God's sake!), occasionally bumping into the odd teacher, and giving a yawned apology, before I finally find myself in the Food Court.

Aah, blessed place. I have grown used to it's new location, although I'm still bitter about how they tore it away from the old place, in order to build there, a 14 storeyed (so my friends believe) law college. Sheesh.
Who wants a law college? Christ.

I sit there, in a kind of stupour, trying to curl myself up into a position thats suitable for slumber, when I catch a glimpse of Zz through the shrubbery.

Zz, I am constantly thinking, needs to be referred to in the plural. Not because of her size or anything, she's as thin as a noodle; but because of her companian. A companian who is always with her. Her love, her soulmate, always always by her side. A selfless, faithful and constant comrade that she is never seen without.
Her phone.

"Zz are coming late to class."
"Zz have brought sandwiches today, lets ambush them in the lunch break."
"Zz're angry cause we stole her lunch, lets hide in the girls' room."
I say in my head drowsily before she looms up on me.

"You look stoned today."
And good morning to you too, Zz.

She sits there for a bit, phone in hand, earphones in place and radio blaring from them, tapping her feet and nodding her head. I fall into a nice, comfy kind of snooze, when suddenly, there's a deafening exclamation.

"Oh oh oh! Listen to this one!"
I look up.
The phone... does nothing.
She grins widely. My eyes rather lethargically light up.
The phone... does nothing.
She hands me an earphone. I lift it to my ear.
The phone... you guessed.

And that is when, the three of us combined become.....

The weirdly-deformed Attached-by-the-Ear-
(through-Discoloured-but-still-White-Looking-Wires) Double Loud-mouthed Monster

Da da da

The Attached-by-the-Ear Double Loud-mouthed Monster, or AbE DoLoMo
as it is commonly referred to, can be seen throughout the college, from corridors to classrooms to just strolling about lazily accross the campus. Usually coming out during lunch breaks and free hours, the Food Court is its favourite haunt.
This particular monster will usually be speaking very loudly, due to the fact that 2 of its 4 ears are occupied by ear phones which emerge from the selfless and faithful phone, and it is hence unable to determine exactly the volume of it's speech.
Occassionally, it will sing, causing its friends to throw it disgusted looks, and sometimes disown it.
It is particularly difficult to attract the attention of the AbE DoLoMo.
This characteristic has both advantages and disadvantages. For one thing, one need not be too afraid of it attacking them off chance. However, it does leave one particularly tired and frustrated Snum sulking around often. (Hee hee, sorry munch! :-))

The AbE DoLoMo has on several occassions been critisised for its weird appearance. Unfortunately for people around, the AbE DoLoMo just doesnt care.

In one memrable incident with a security guard, the DoLoMo received this fine remark:
"Kya ji?" (in frustrated and hopeless sounding tones)
"Yeh style hai kya?
Do do admi ek ear phones se raydyo sunthe hai baba...
kya yaar..."

The monster then laughingly dismantled itself and hurried off to class, while a certain Snum heaved a sigh of relief and slipped the guard a note while she thought we weren't watching... Sneaky little Snum! :-P


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