Dads and Shopping Dont Mix

Shopping is really a girl thing. It must have something to do with the whole chromosomal set up. Yes, thats what it is. The gene responsible for enjoying shopping is recessive and is located on the X chromosome. And the allele must be in homozygous condition for the character to manifest itself.

Really. Like, I didnt just make that up.
Its a fact of nature.

Okay, so maybe its not a fact, but for all we know, it could be true. I could win the Nobel prize for this.

The Nobel prize for Bulling. (Its a new category they've introduced, dont you read the papers?)

But that explanation would account for a lot of things. Including why dads shouldnt be taken along while shopping. (Their wallets, however, are welcome)

What the dears say:
1. Do you really need that?
2. Dont you have 15 pairs of the same thing lying on the floor back home?
3. Why do you want to go all the way to the other side of the world to buy something you can get ten minutes away from home?
4. How can you spend so much time looking, and then finally not want to buy anything?
5. Are you done yet? pause Done? pause Now?
6. In moments of inspiration:
No! Dont buy this one! Buy that! pointing to garishly orange coloured item

What they do:
1. Make wild excuses as to why we should be leaving right NOW!
2. Feign stomach-leg -head- back aches.
3. In the words of Snum: Become human clocks.
In robotic tones: "It has been fifteen minutes since we first set foot in this store."
.
.

"Twenty."
4. In the life of Brat: Stand as close to the door as possible in the hope that this will urge you to step out quicker and go to the next shop, thereby considerably shortening the process.
On entering the next store, stand as near to the door as possible, once again ensuring a quick exit.

If you don’t take them along, but excitedly show them your purchases after, they:
1. Gaze at the TV and pretend to listen
2. Yawn indifferently
3. Raise eyebrows high, sit forward and say, “How much now?”
4. Say: "You spent a whole day and this is all you have to show for it?"
5. Say: "Tchha. That? I could’ve gotten that for half the price."

See dads are just not too good at the whole shopping experience. And nobody’s blaming them. Its in their DNA. They should leave shopping to the mums and daughters. Hand them a couple of credit cards and send them off into the world.

Oh, the wonderful joys of small-dosage shopping. Sigh. :)

Hitch

I really liked the movie. Laughed so much. Albert Brennaman is the funniest thing. Especially when he dances. I totally enjoyed it. :D
The dialogue made absolutely no sense whatsoever in some places though.

In the last scene:
Hitch runs after car carrying Sara Melas and Other Guy in it and jumps a-top it.
Hitch (through sunroof): You’ll never be fine, and neither will I!
Sara stops car in shock, Hitch falls on road, Sara gasps.
Other guy: Maybe I should drive.
Sara to Hitch: Are you trying to get yourself killed?
Hitch: If that’s what it takes. (?)
Sara’s sister: Sara what happened?
Sara: He jumped on the car!
Sara’s sister: Why?

Hitch: Because that’s what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly. Because otherwise, we just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the hell did I jump. But here I am Sara, falling. And there’s only one person that makes me feel like I can fly. And that’s you.

(*Pauses to stare expectantly at you*
Seriously... what??
Did you understand that?
No, tell me. I'm dying to know what he meant.
This dialogue wasnt meant to be dumb.
There are some parts in the movie where the characters are supposed to sound like they have mashed peas for brains. This was not one of them. He hadn’t hit himself on the head or anything in the previous scene, I checked.
There was all this senty music was playing in the background. I watched and listened carefully.
And Sara was all like "Ooo he's saying something really deep and meaningful! I think I'm falling for him!" during the whole bit.)

Sara: So you kinda like me huh?
Hitch: Nah, I love you. I loved you since…
(Kiss)
Sara: If I say it back now it sounds so stupid.
(Sara, sweetie, nothing you could say would sound more stupid than what Hitch told you just now. Go on. Tell him that you love him. Aww.)

Oh well. Despite some of the dialogue-that-doesnt-make-sense, the movie is a complete laugh riot. And that Brennaman guy is absolutely brilliant.

Bums

Snum Zz Osh and Me. You couldnt find a lazier bunch of bums anywhere in the world, I'd be willing to bet my life on it. Each of us had set our mobile alarms, like the responsible undergrad students we are. Each of us, for 7 am.
Morning came. The air was peppered with the sounds of alarm clocks every five minutes.

Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Groan. Shift. Grunt. Grumble. Snooze.

And repeat.
They rang, we snoozed. They rang, we snoozed. They fell off the bed, we slept on. Nothing could come between us and our sleep. Nothing.

At 9 am I realised we simply HAD to get a move on if we wanted to make it in time for 10 o' clock class. If we could just make it there, like Osh said, we could succumb to the sleep again, in the soporific safety our classroom. We just had to drag ourselves there in time.

We did, by some miracle. Only, class had been cancelled.
:|

People and Pink

Have you noticed how many people dislike pink?
I'd go so far as to say that it has become cool to hate the poor colour.
And what did it ever do to anyone, might I ask?
To say you like pink, is blasphemy. You are automatically an airhead, are mocked at, ridiculed, laughed at, looked down upon.
Poor pink gets pulled up all the time.
No other colour is at the receiving end of such discriminatory behaviour.
Nobody has got beaten up for saying they liked blue, have they now?

What is it with people and pink? Its hilarious the amount of varied reactions you get if you mention that you like the colour.

"Pink???" accompanied by shocked expressions and wrinkled noses.
(The part I personally find most irritating. Makes me feel like giving them a good proper flick.)
Its as though even if you do like pink, you MUST, at all costs keep it a secret from the disapproving eyes of society.
Its as though liking pink is dangerous behaviour and must be stomped out immediately.

Another priceless one is:
“Oh.” PAUSE for 5 seconds. “Pink.” (disdainfully)
This usually comes from someone who looks you up and down uncertainly, thinking ‘This must be someone with some weird mental disorder. I had better walk away quickly, just in case it’s contagious.’

Another that is quite amusing to witness:
“P..pink?” (in disbelief)
The owner of the mouth that says it thinks you might perhaps be taking him for a ride.
'Its alright if you like pink, but to say you actually do?', he thinks, 'That just isnt done! Something isn't right'.
His eyes dart around while he is talking to you and he has the air of someone who expects at any second some tv crew with a host to jump out of a nearby tree, and ambush him screaming “You’ve been framed! Ha ha! We've tricked you properly!”

Well, I'm one to fight for the underdog.
Pink deserves a chance! Dont dismiss it off because of Legally Blonde and scary peers who will threaten to beat you up! Dont join in with the wrinkling noses just to be accepted by the majority! If you like it say you do!
And if you dont, refrain from being so judgemental! Dont expect everyone to like the same things you do! Dont make judgements based on silly things!

Let us be accepting of this poor ill-treated colour. Next time someone says they like pink (and they will, after reading this post, I'm sure), just grin and bear it. Accept. And we can make this world a better place to live in.

(wipes tear away silently from left eye)

Hellish Experiences: Randomness

We investigated a tree cutting. Jay and I. Got invited to a house a couple of sites away from the poor tree, when we tried to find out what the public had to say on the issue ("The neighbours no, they have political influences ya. Thats why.") Thought we'd be given tea or something, but they didnt give us any, and they didnt allow us to quote them either. Turns out they were just bored because the power had gone and needed some entertainment.

We got "Ay!"ed at by someone before we left the site of the cutting. I looked straight ahead and walked on, like any sane person would. Not Jay. "Yenu?" he asked in a polite how-may-I-help-you? tone. Goose.
He got stuck there for a bit, while I hid behind a car.
Kannada or english paper? they asked, when he'd given them full details on who he was.
English, he said. (not smart Jay!), but thankfully, he wasnt beaten up or anything.
__________________________________________________________________

We went to the press club several times, attended boring conferences in accha Kannada, not understood a word that was said, and come back and written 400 word articles on them based on the literature. Dont worry, they werent published.
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We interns had a photoshoot. Pose as if in a ragging scene. After at first vehemently refusing to be a rag-ee, I generously consented, (nobody else wanted to be) and me and Jay (he didnt even bother to argue. Knew we'd force him into it anyway) assumed our posts and presumed to look terrified at the rest of the gang even though we were laughing our heads off.
Yes, we werent very good at it. When it came out in the papers it looked as if Su2 was being ragged instead of us.
A job well done.
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We attended this business meet at Park Hotel I think it was. It was to launch this new company that was a joint venture between two spanish companies and two Indian entreprenuers. The representatives from the Spanish companies had thick accents, and lets face it, we dont know a thing about business. Nice lunch though. There was this yum spinach and corn thing we each had 3 helpings of. Ah, the free lunches.
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Ooo, me and Su2 were on TV once!
Wait. Dont get excited, it was only for a few seconds. We'd gone to the press club. Had drunk the coffee that corroded my innards and were watching as a fight ensued between those conducting the meet and some senior reporters. It was fun for a bit watching them shout angrily at each other, but it got boring. So I slept, you know. The way you do in class, head resting on hand. And thats when the camera arrived. Mum said when she saw it, "You were sleeping there???" and was mighty displeased, but I was listening, I swear!
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Hellish Experiences: Interviews

During the course of the Hellish Thing we had to do over the Summer, we interviewed Dino Morea. He was nice. Didnt even once roll his eyes at the foolish questions we threw at him.

Did he like pink clothes?
"Pink's fantastic," he said, unflinchingly.
Until he caught Su2's disgusted expression and stopped abruptly, mid grin.
What is it with people and pink? Really. They should just lay off it.

Would he rather be overdressed or underdressed to an occassion?
"Erm, I dunno, its always better to be properly dressed for any occassion, appropriately so I mean, erm... you know? Anything that fits the situation, scenario... I dont know..." *insert confused floundering look*
I dont blame him though, it was a dumb question.

And what would we catch him dressed in if we broke into his house?
*look of fear and suspicion* Were we planning on doing so?
After we assured him we most certainly would not, that we were respectable "journalists", and there was no way we would stoop to that, even if we got really desperate and unhinged (The profession can push you towards those areas), he condescended to answer.
"Um, you'd find me in bed, man."
That did not answer the question, but we giggled politely and looked expectant.
"Shorts and a T" he said. Or something of that sort, I don't remember now, it was too boring and too long ago.
Again, I dont blame him. I wouldnt have known what to say either. I would not want to be a celebrity, ever.

So those were the three dumbest questions. The rest were things like, Tell us a childhood experience in Bangalore that you cling to, and other such boring likes. He was very sweet (we were "journalists", what do you expect?), plus we were given drinks in fancy glasses and those weird snack like things to eat with tooth picks. Plus, a free bag, and in it a free T. Sadly mine was white and Extra Large. Sigh, you cant have everything.

This other time, Jay and I interviewed Charu Sharma.
You: Who?
You know, the cricket commentator who was co-host of Extraaa Innings with Mandira Bedi.
You: Aaaah.

It was late. Jay wanted to go home. But I ploughed on and said "We must, we must! What an opportunity!" He stood and talked to us for ages. It was only when Jay noticed he was massaging his back and giving us pained expressions, that we decided to stop.
We then proceeded to scour Brigade road for internet cafes so we could send off our article. It was 9pm. They were all closed or under construction or charged you 200 bucks to become a member before you could use their computers. 7 places we visited. I counted. One of them was on the 4th floor and the escalators werent working. Poor Jay, I whined the whole time.
We finally found some iffy looking place that was open, and sent it off.
Jay then sent me off in an auto, and sighed in relief.
"Until tomorrow," he must have thought. "Until tomorrow, I am free from that girl's unbearable banter."
We got a byline, which is good, after all that effort.

We came close to a third interview. We asked Anita Nair at the same book launch that we interviewed Charu Sharma, if she'd let us talk to her, but she swatted us away like flies, so we just buzzed off.

Creative Work

As a wise little boy named Calvin once said, and as Bestest once blogged,

"It's only work when somebody makes you do it."

They're making us write at college now. Creative writing. "Being creative is hard work," they've said.
I agree. Especially if you have to do so between 9 and 11 only, and on saturday mornings. Wish us all luck anyway.
.

A Summery

It feels like decades since last month. Absolute decades. The Hellish thing was, as much as I hate to admit it, a good idea.
No doubt, it completely ruined what would have been 30 days of blissful nothingness (during which time I'd've cribbed non-stop about how useless I was feeling) and no doubt it drastically cut down the number of movies I saw this summer, and no doubt we werent paid a penny for all of our "hard" work, but still. It was a good idea.

I feel I've really learned something. I have grown since April.
Its true. Cheesy choice of words, but there you go.
Plus, there are the articles. All 21 of them. (16 with bylines, 5 without, and three of the 16 front page!!) Thats not bad for a 30 day stint.

At first it was kind of torturous, you know. Having to call up or email or meet people you didnt or vaguely knew, because you needed to get information for an article. But you get used to it towards the end, and kind of begin enjoying it. It became like clockwork.
The people at office were really nice as well.

Overall, twas a good experience.
I'm pretty sure that I shall look back at it in the future and Awww over it annoyingly.
A nice summer :)

Just read it

Thats Anne Hathaway on the right.

I saw her on TV recently, and I was rather shocked. It was only for a brief moment, she was saying something about how she loves Elton John, because it was his birthday, and "you feel only love, for anyone on their birthday", but the clip left me with a nagging feeling.

I get that feeling sometimes when Im trying to figure out what something reminds me of. Its a horrid feeling, just wont go away.
Her face... it resembled something so strongly, I just had to figure out what it was.
And then I realised.

It's startling how much like a mad squirrel she looks.

Really.

I mean, dont get me wrong, I like her pretty much. Princess Diaries, Devil Wears Prada, Other Weird Movie Where There's That Girl From Bend it Like Beckham in it Who's Plays Her Best Friend...
All great.

Its just, the resemblence she has to a tree-dwelling omnivorous manical rodent... its uncanny!