Saturday, April 21, 2007

For the Want of Some Cotton Wool

Some airline services are just no good.
Such as the one we used to travel to Mumbai a week ago.
The planes are tiny and they dont give you anything to eat! (loud annoying whiny tone)

The thing with me is, whenever I travel to Mumbai (there and nowhere else) my ears pop, leaving me unable to hear anything above the range of 5 dB for at least 2 days. This time, since I would be staying there only 4, and I didnt want to appear to seem to be a retard for half my trip, I decided I'd ask one of the competant stewardesses they keep talking about, for some cotton wool.

Sadly, all I got was a rather daft looking steward.
I noticed that he looked rather lost and anxious. Perhaps this is his first flight, I think. Let me be extra nice to him, so that he is uplifted and encouraged to do better in his career.

"Hello" I say, giving him my warmest smile, and pausing to receive the grateful and relieved smile I was sure he'd give back.
No smile.
Mine slowly melts, and drips off my face.

"What can I get for you madam?" he says in robotic tones.

By then I'm already muttering rude curses under my breath at the waste of that smile, but I control myself and say. "Some cotton wool please."

He stares blankly. Thinking he mustnt have heard, I repeat myself.

"Can I have some cotton wool please?"

This time the answer comes out pat:

I stare at him in the face. This is not proper stewardly behaviour.
He looks back eyes glazed. I can almost see the wheels turning.

Flashback to training school.
What was the one thing his teacher told him that he must always remember as a steward? The one thing...
Aha! That the parachute's located behind the left door! No... no... wait, thats not it.
Ah, now I remember. Always comb your hair. Every morning. Without fail. He reaches to his head before realises that that wasnt it either.

Yes, now it dawns on him. Always be polite to passengers, even if they are annoying 19 year olds who want cotton wool.

He returns to earth with a plasticky smile.
"I'm sorry ma'am, we dont have any on board."

I return the plasticky smile.
"Really? How unfortunate."

Pleased at his adeptness at handling the situation, the steward walks away. I mutter curses the rest of the flight. And spend the first half of my trip nodding and smiling when anyone said anything I couldnt hear, and then changing my expression based on the kind of reaction that got.


La said...

hehe! did he actually say "no" ? hahaha! funny. really. when your ears get blocked, sip on a candy... so they say.... pressure difference you know? am i being intelligible? that is a word right?

MM said...

It is lala.

Yes, he did! NO, just like that.

Dunce. He cant have done very well at the training academy. Wonder where he went.

La said...

hehe! wow... so hard to believe! how can a steward say that? maybe he was in a bad mood... hahaha.. oh man! hahaha

The Water Rat said...

Never knew you had a blog. Promises to be good. Will be back.


(Remember me? From school?)

MM said...

Hurray! Hurray! strangled sob
Somebody's reading this blog! Thank you Dipitha!

Please, please come back! :D

Do you have one too? Where is it?

The Water Rat said...

Your views on books like One Night At A Call Center and Five Point Someone?

(I wait with bated breath)

MM said...

Frankly, I thought they were rubbish. I was much more fervent about what rubbish they were just after I'd read them, but now I've forgotten exactly what it was that I disliked about them. (Very forgettable those books are.)

I shall flip through them again and tell you properly.

Your views?