Osh and Snum: The War of the Words

They're fighting. Its getting irritating. I mean, come on already.

Over words. Their meanings. Their pronunciations. Their usage in everyday conversation.
I mean, come on. Who fights about words?

(Ok, maybe I used to. Maybe I was the pioneer of all word fights. Maybe my every second was occupied in etymology and arguements. Maybe. But lately, I have changed. And since I have lightened up considerably, I no longer engage in this stressful pass time.)

So far, its 2 to Osh, 1 to Snum.

"The battle is lost," said Snum movingly. "But we shall see about the war." (noble expression)

Yes, we shall indeed.

Psyched

Guess what I did.
Go on, guess. (This blog is interactive.)

Ok, so we have our psychology exam right? Well, I havent studied at all. Much. 10.30- 11.20pm the night before, and 7.30- 8.20 am on the morning of it.
So anyway, surprisingly, I'm not freaked. I'm just not bothered. It was probably some kind of psychoanalytical defense mechanism. Repression, I suppose. I got up at 6am. Knew I hadnt studied. Yet forced myself to sleep again. It was only at 7.30 that I actually realised, not in full magnitude, but slightly, how I hadnt studied for an exam that was happening in a matter of 2 hours.
Anyway, I get there, sit in the exam hall and everything. And I'm drawing lines. Margins. We are explicitly instructed to by our teachers. Anyway, the booklet is huge. Its taking forever. I begin to daydream whilst I draw (which can undoubtedly be explained by Arousal Theory of Motivation).

Suddenly, I am awakened from my Passive State of Light Consciousness, and I notice that no one around me is drawing lines. They're all scribbling furiously.
But we havent got the paper yet! I think.
I wonder why they're taking so long to fill up the info on the first page. I sit and watch in fascination as Sk writes. (She keeps her mouth open in a rather fascinating manner as she writes, its fun to watch, you should sometime.)
I stare around for 5 minutes. Out the window, at Rampaging Bull's dupatta (which is a scream of vibrant colours that kept me hypnotised for a bit). Then realise everyone's still writing.

I get a little perturbed when I glimpse something that looks like a question paper in front of Sk.
I point at it and whisper. "Question Paper?"
She looks up, mouth still open, and nods.
"Yours?" I ask, stupidly.
Mouth still open, nods.

I look around for mine. On the table, floor, my lap. It nowhere.
Then I realise I havent got it. Desperately signal to the invigilator to give me one.
He looks confused. Apparently, he is not adept at Common Sense Sign Language.

"Ay, what you want man?" (I'm not one, but I let it pass)
"Question Paper sir."
"Where is yours ya?"
" I...uh... dont have one sir." (apologetic tone... it works wonders with teachers like these)
"Dont have eh?" he says as he bustles around trying to find the extra.

Meanwhile, I check my watch to see how much time I'd lost.
My watch says that its 2:43.
Not very helpful.

The invigilator bustles up with a rather reprimanding look on his face.
"What ya? Cant tell or what?"
"I didnt ...erm... realise... sir" I falter
"Its 9.45 ya!"
More faltering.
"Okay. Its alright. I'll give you 10 minutes extra"

A smothered giggle from TheQuickOne.
People in the vicinity are mighty entertained.
With a quick blush at my ridiculousness, I look down and begin scribbling.

How did I not realise people were getting the question papers? How could I have missed that? Where was I? Did I black out or something? Was I transported to some different dimension for that brief space of time? Abducted by aliens?
Seriously.
Whatever happened?

A New Keyboard

That is solely the purpose of this entire post.
You wont imagine how wonderful it feels to be able to type a sentence without your own fingers threatening to strangle you if you subject them to any more torture.
I mean seriously, wow. Wow, I mean.
(ignore the last sentence, I just needed something to type)

Ah, the effortlessness of it all! I could type forever! But dont worry, I'll not, I can hear you snoring already.

Actually, this isnt really a new keyboard. Its a substitute keyboard that the shop gave me while the other one went for "repairy".
Little do they know that I'm never returning this one. NEVER! I shall shift country and change my identity if I have to.

This keyboard is for keeps!

Random Nonsense

You wont believe how difficult it is to get a subject for your practical examinations. Sheesh. Nobody is willing to come at ALL. Its amusing really, to hear the excuses people come up with. They just DONT want to be psychologically examined. Nuh ah. Not them.

And sadly, all the engineering students who might have come have their internals going on at the exact same time as my exam.
Sigh. Whom, whom shall I get to examine this semester? I dont suppose I shall know until the very last minute when I pay some iffy-looking person off the street a large sum of money to help me out.
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You will never guess what song is playing in my head. never. Not even if I gave you a hundred guesses and your life depended upon it. Go on. I bet you wont. Okay, if I win the bet, you have to be my subject for the psych prac exam. If you win it, you get to be my subject for the psych prac exam. Hows that? Go on... guess already!
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Eh eh.
Wrong answer!
Please confirm timings and date of psych prac exam with MM within the next two hours.

The correct answer is: "Car, car, car, car..." etc. Its a kannada film song. I've never heard it in my life. I have only heard other people sing it.
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Yowch. Imagine this. Your research paper presentation/practical exam is on the 22nd. Your batch: roll numbers 41-78, has been told to come at 1pm.
1pm- 4.30pm, they say.
Your roll number is 72. You are resigned to the fact that you will reach home only at 5pm.

Sadly, you are informed when you get there at 1pm, huffing slightly from all the running you did to get there on time, by irrate people from the other batch, that they are still on roll number 20.

You go to the Forum. Try and be amused by bags and the like.
Meet an old friend from PUC.
Have a long conversation which ends because he thinks you're trying to get away from him, when in reality, all you were trying to do was complain a bit about how crazy the exam process is.
All this till 5pm.
Then you go back to college and find that they are on roll number 52.

Thank god for the Tenzen and Su3. Only, I wish they hadnt kept singing "Car car car..." and dancing to it. Imprinted in my brain since then.

I kept having to read and re read hilarious messages Snum was sending me in order to stay alive.
A sample:
"My god! They is mad! Jus completely delusionally crazy! You poor poor people! Besta luck! Btw... knock em dead! I mean it! Literally! Sock TheCat in his giggling face! Then get The Sternchap and fling a a chair at the Wife of Bath as she's running for the door... And tell me how it goes..."

My turn came at 7.40pm. He asked me some total lame ass question. I was too exhausted to explain myself properly, so I settled for looking very angry and domineering. That threw them off. I think the Cat was slightly afraid. Humpf. I'm glad. Silly Repetetive Mewing Cat.
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Time Flies

Can you believe that almost a quarter of the year is over?
It feels like 2007 just begun and already we're one fourth through it.
Time flies...

The Summer's Begun

...I realised during the course of the day.

The first indicator was the sultry stickiness that pervaded the atmosphere and made me feel like holding onto every little wisp of wind that came my way. Not that there were many "wisps". But I remember worse days, with so little breeze you'd just want to scream.
The wind in your hair on a hot summers' day... ah, there's nothing like it. :)

Then there was the sudden and brutal abundance of insects.
Wasps! So many!
Cockroaches. I spied a dead cockroach on the path to the front door today. I stopped for a second to marvel at it. I havent seen a cockroach in ages! Twas then tat I truly knew. Summer had come.
And the ants. So many of them now! They made their way into the fruits on the kitchen table and wedged themselves in the crevices. GROSSNESS!
Takes a moment to recover.

Also, there's the need to drink water. Its a feeling I havent had in a long while. The cold winter months saw me drinking little or no water. Times are now a-changing. The water cooler at college is being frequented. My bottle is now a priority while stuffing the things I need for college into any one of the abysmally small bags I happen to own.

Having to sleep with the fan on 4. Not using my big fat comforting blanket anymore.

Not having an appetite at night at ALL. Hearing my parents' lectures about how its necessary to eat 3 proper meals a day, at the right times. The lecture hasnt changed much since the last summer. Or the one before that. Or the last 8 summers before. Sigh. I wish they'd remember that its always been this way, and not get so flustered about the entire issue.

Just the whole feel of everything is different, you know?
Just like the whole feel of everything is different when winter begins.

And this new (but old) feeling brings back memories of the past.

Right now, its bringing back memories of tenth standard board exams. They were on, this time of the year, 3 years ago. And Mumbai also.
And tuition and the cricket matches, which was happening around this time of the year, two years ago.
And my 2nd PU practical exams (bio I remember especially. How thrilled I was that they all went off well!). That was a year ago.
Memories, they all flood back. Mangoes, Dance class, The Family Ties Sitcom on TV.

Season changings are nice. Different, but familiar.

I feel myself missing the winter. Gimme cold over hot, anyday.
How tragic that I cant use my lovely jacket and boots for a whole 4 months now at least!
And how tragic that I must find some way of tying my hair up so that it doesnt insulate my neck, without it looking too weird.
How tragic that I must take to sprinkling water over my bed (much to my mother's rue) during the times when its just too hot to sleep.

But I'm looking forward to the summer.
What memories might this one make, I wonder.

Psychology Seminar- After

:)

Phew!

Sudden Sleepover 2

Twas not sudden for me, but for Zz.
We were all in hysterically bad moods. The auto ride was fun. :-D
We got over our moods by completely disregarding the project we were supposed to do.
That cheered us up.
Zz had beauty treatment (thanks to Snum's aunt).
I read to her of an Enchanted Mirror.
We had icecream. Mmmm.

I was forced to watch The Covenant. Please, please if you have the opportunity to, dont.

Snum's gran took us down memory lane during yummy dosa breakfast (when we were supposed to be in mag journo class... dang, why can we never get up on time at Snum's place?)

Twas nice though. I love Snum's house. Its so qwesh.

Gloom

Sheesh, I have been in the worst possible set of moods ever this past week.
I blame it all on the bloody internships. Stupid difficult-to-get newspaper internships.
Why why wasnt I diligent enough to go to them at the earliest? Why?
They took all the people who got there first and now they're filled up. :( The stupids.

Yes, so I have found out that I dont deal too well with stress.
I have, as a result of the accumulating pressures on my head:

1. Barked at almost everyone in class, at least once, and I mean barked.
2. Not been happy.
3. Been constantly worried.
3. Been lost in my own world, and it wasnt too sunshiny a world either.
4. Gotten up late and on the wrong side of the bed
5. Been angry with the world and especially with the gormless lady
6. Left my room in a ROYAL MESS (which is different from the usual mess that its always in), and have been mighty peeved about it all.
7. Growled at a poor boy whom I don't know who bumped into me by mistake and who apologised to me profusely afterwards.
8. Not eaten properly.
9. Not slept properly.

Oh, it has not been fun, I can assure you. :(

Psychology Seminar- Before

I have to take the candles and the oil for the lamp.
I have to wear the horrid blazer uniform and slowly BAKE in the Assembley Hall which will contain 99 or so other warm blooded human beings.
I have to NOT suffocate from the carbon di oxide being let out by the 99 others.
I have to look busy. (sigh)
I have to usher people. (Bleh's sister is right, that word really does give the wrong impression)
I have to NOT bark at people. Help me Snum!
I have to fight the urge to kill myself.

I have to. Yuck.

Oshsays VII- Glasses

Snum has to get glasses.
:'( I know! But she'll still look nice, I'm sure.

So Osh and I are walking down to the gate and Snum's wailing over the phone about her glasses news.
I mention to Osh whats going on.

What she says next astounds me.

"Eleven grand ya. They're gonna cost eleven grand."

I stare at her with disbelief written right accross my forehead. She continues.

"Cheapest. Cheapest you'll get is that."

More staring. Snum wails in the background.

"The glasses. Thats whats expensive. More than the frames."

Disbelief.

"Really. Im being serious. I wear glasses no? Eleven grand. Minimum."

I begin to think that people with glasses must be really rich.
Osh is getting really ridiculous now, and I mention to Snum whats going on. I wait while she stares in disbelief.
I decide to get Osh to explain.

"The actual glass part will cost you around 600. And the frames will be 500."

Apparently, thats eleven grand.

Note to Self: Dont ever accept financial advice from Osh.

Bestest Said...

Bestest said

"We live in different universes. Imagine all the things I could see if I saw through your mind, or if you saw through mine..."

On the Back of a Bike

... that me and Snum saw today was pasted the words:

"My death on road."

In colourful letters.

The weirdness, I tell you.
What, does he want to die in some accident?
Is he saying his bike is a personification of death? Very poorly put, if thats the case.

Weird.

Oshsays VI- Arabian Nights

She said:

"No, I mean those, Arabian Goodnight Stories."

and

"...in that Ali Baba and the Forty Chors."

Bestest and MM Home Truths

It is, in fact, impossible to study. The conditions under which this glorious activity does take place, however, is as follows:

1. It HAS to be 10pm or later in the night.
2. There HAS to be an exam the next day.

Oshsays- V Text Message

Osho is cryptic even in her text messages.
This is what she sent me:

Fun baccha. .Is out of ?Tn. .Yeah. .U 2 hv a nice day!

Oh oh! Perhaps she meant "Fun, child, is out of the question"!
Ooo I'm brilliant arent I?
Wonder what purpose the Tn served.
Have a nice day, she says, the sweetheart.
Well, whatever she meant, this message is crazy enough to go down as an Oshsay.
She's just given a dance performance (multitalented my little Osh is)
Must hear all about it college. Perhaps we'll get a few more Oshsays!
Till then! :-)

Oshsays IV- Media seminar

Today we had a media seminar.
Yesterday also.
9 to4.
Print, Radio, TV, Film.

Do I sound dead?
Yes, well thats because I almost did die, of boredom despite all the efforts the third years took. I'm sorry, but seminars will be boring, no matter who conducts them.
Thank god for Osh and her Says.

Today was Valentines Day. I dont know why everyone was making such a big deal of it. I've never paid much attention to it.

Did you know that if you wear pink today, it means that you are accepting proposals, and if you wear black it means you're rejecting them?
Silly really. Depends on who proposes, doesnt it? What if someone you really dont like asks you out, and you happen to be wearing pink, because you thought the guy you did like was going to ask you? Puts you in a rather sticky situation, doesnt it, if you follow that logic?
Personally I think all this proposing business is particularly dumb not to mention awkward and embarrassing. But its what the world does, so whatever.

Anyway, Osho was telling us this useful nugget of information, just as I was thinking what I lovely shade of pink her salwar was.

I voiced my thoughts.
She gave me a glare.
No, she said, it was lavendar.
Snum and I exchanged an evil glance.

Ha! Osho was getting hysterical about a small thing again. (She does this from time to time.) What fun it would be to pull her leg a little!

"No, Osh." said Snum in her best I-know-what-I'm-talking-about voice. "That shade is very definitely a pink. Very pretty it is though."

Osh gave her a glare.
"Lavender. Its lavender. How can lavender be pink."

Snum continued "No, thats really pink Osh, lavender you know, is a light purple shade, see?"
And then came our first Oshsay:

Said very quickly and in a pissed off tone:
"Lavender, let me tell you, falls under the violet category. You know, crimson? If you mix crimson and navy blue, when you mix the two, thats when you get this particular shade called as lavender, okay?"

We laughed a bit at her, and then, since we were dead bored, the discussion led to music. Osh was doing pretty well actually. She was making sense and everything.

Unfortunately she went on to pronounce two majorly famous artistes' names completely wrong.
a. Christina Aguilera.
The Oshsay was: "Christiana Aguilera."
Her arguement was that in an autograph of hers that Osh has, Christina's spelt her name like that.
Snum and I told her that Christina must have just not cared about the spelling of her name enough to stall herself in her desperate rush to get the hell away from Osho, and this comment unfortunately, did not go down too well with dear Osh.

b. Enrique Iglesias.
The Oshsay was: "Enrique Igarius."
And no amount of screaming would change her mind.

In her anger, she said "You people need to get your ears waxed!"
At least we thought she said that.
Apparently, she'd said "You people need to get your ear wax removed."

As we were laughing about that one, she screamed "You twits! Whats wrong with you? Do you remember one end of the sentence and the other end and forget everything in between???"

Snum and I were too deep in hysterics to stop there, so I got out a sheet of paper to write down all the Oshsays we were getting and sat poised as if to take notes.
This angered Osho. She grabbed at the sheet of paper. Deftly, I snatched it out of reach. She caught hold of my kurta by mistake instead, and said "Madhu, if you dont give that sheet to me, Im going to rip your clothes off!"
...and was highly embarrassed after.

After Snum and I had laughed and told her to "Control yourself Osho! For pity's sake!" enough number of times, she settled down to complain about her existance in the kitchen blog.

First she said, in an angry voice "What will my children think?"
I ferociously scribbled into the paper while Snum laughed at Osho's indignance.

"You're making me a public property!"
Scribble scribble. Giggle giggle.

"You're barging into my privacy!"
Scribble scribble. Giggle giggle.

And she ended with a vehement
"I will take you to court!"

Despite her occassional Oshsays though, Osh is really smart. Very clever kid. And she is very very sweet. :-)

Special Note: The number of Oshsays heard by Snum today, I'm sorry to say has had a rather bad influence on her own speaking abilities.
The first recorded Snumsay was made today: "What feelingless people!" she said shaking her fists at the speakers who WOULD JUST NOT STOP.
Silly Snum. :-)

Oshsays III

Wondering why the heading hasnt changed?
Well, its just that everyone's just gotten too used to Oshsays. Very reluctant they all are, to call them Oshisms. And who am I to tell them what to call these oh so amusing nuggets of wisdom?

So, Oshsays they will remain.

Here are a few more:
1. "Why am I being debated upon my vocabulary?"
2. "My paper was really bad! I've just written things in random succession!"
3. "Okay okay. My grammatical sense makes no sense."

Recorded at: the MM-unfriendly Casa Picola restaurant where me and Zz have decided to go again only after we start earning (and probably not even then).

Nonsense

Forgive me, but apart from seeing peoples faces in cars, I also have the habit of seeing animals in peoples faces.

Sheryl Crowe. What does she remind you of, which animal? Dont read further, just take a minute and choose...




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A HORSE!
Doesnt she remind you of a horse? Come on, Bestest... Doesnt she?
I was just listening to her songs. Thats when the thought popped into my head.
Great voice she's got.
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As does Norah Jones. Sigh, what would we have done without Norah Jones? I got a few of her songs. Ones I havent heard before. So, so nice.

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I met Garfield yesterday. Well, at least I met a fat orange LAZY cat on my way back from college. It was walking across the sunny road. S l o w l y. We had to wait for his royal highness to pass before we could move on. I wanted to stop and chat. But I could see he wasnt up to it.
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I've mentioned the sun before, havent I? I mean at how beautiful sunlight can be?
How indescribable it feels against your back on a cold cold day, how you could just fall asleep, like that, standing up, feeling so comfortable.
Perhaps thats why Garfield was walking so slowly. He wanted to enjoy the sunlight for a few minutes before his next snooze.
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Have you seen the cat in Problem Child? Hahahaha. Oh that movie is so funny, and so cute! hahahaha... The cat, junior breaks its legs or something by "mistake", and both its front legs are in casts, and the way it walks accross the lawn is so hilarious! Oh god, I'm laughing just thinking about that cat!
I know you dont like the movie Bestest, but cats can be funny too, you know, in addition to geese and llamas. :D
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My favourite part of that movie is the next door neighbour girl's party. You know, where Junior is dressed as a devil, and all the kids gang up on him, so he throws all her presents into the swimming pool (which is of course, unnoticed until later on) and sets up the sprinkler in her room and stuff.
The girl, is very very perfect for the role. Its a fancy dress party, and she's dressed as a flower, oh gosh, Im laughing again, and they're playing this song "Its my Party and I'll cry if I want to!" and she's crying and throwing tantrums and juniors all smiling and looking evil about it.
Hahaha oh, that part really worked. Thats my favourite part of the movie.
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I won a fancy dress competetion when I was 5. My mum made the costume, and I was a fairy :) hee hee. My first taste of success. My parents had the certificate framed. Well they put it into this frame we already had.
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You know, KBC is starting to work with Shah Rukh in it. Im beginning to like him, as a host, not as Shah Rukh (because I didnt much like him as Shah Rukh to begin with). He's doing well. He's very likeable. And funny. The B wasnt funny. He is. I like.
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Missed an exam because of the bandh. Of course it'll be later. Just thought Id mention why Im here on a Tuesday at 3:00...
oh my GOD!
Its 5?????
Where the hell did all the time go???
Sheeesh!
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Oshsays II

Well, I consulted a few experts. (alright, alright, they were just Snum and Zz)
And we came up with other possible ideas for a name for things that Osh says.
Even Osh, in her excitement, came up with a few:
1. Oshisms (Snum)
2. Oshisasisms (becasue we got confused)
3. Oshisamasisms (Osh wrote that one down)

I've decided to stick with snum's.
Because it sounds the most sane, and we want to give that illusion to people.
Then they can just be even more shocked at the entire insanity of them all.
So Oshisms it is.